Speculation
by herpaderpproductions
Summary: The ladies of Fairy Tail try to figure out the details of each others' love lives. Pairings include Jerza, GaLe, NaLu, Zervis, Gruvia and more! OneShot 1- During a ladies' bonding night at Fairy Hills, Cana attempts to work out Erza's kinks. 8 - The men of Fairy Tail try to give advice to Jellal, but instead end up learning too much about each other
1. Speculation - Jerza

**A/N:** Someone thought I'd ship Jerza, so I watched the episodes/OVAs with even tiny little things about their relationship and I found that yes, I do ship it. Hard. In watching those episodes, I realized that everyone in Fairy Tail except the kiddies are lovable pervs. And that's where this comes from. I can't really offer any other explanation for whatever this is.

Someday I'll write something cute or smutty about Jerza, but now is not that time.

Mentioned pairings: Gajeel/Levy, Mira/Laxus, Bacchus/Cana (if drunk hookups count)

May be OOC since I haven't studiously watched a lot of Fairy Tail.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Cana Has Questions**

(Or: How Wendy's pure mind was corrupted once and for all)

Zeref had been defeated, dark guilds were dwindling in number, and Fairy Tail had finally returned to some sense of normality. Somehow that meant Mira had been arranging more events. Wendy assumed that was because Mira knew it would be easier to set couples up now that there was no danger to keep the couples apart.

Tonight Mira had invited many of the girls she knew well for a girls' night at Fairy Hills. Wendy could tell Mira was looking for information about the progress of the couples she supported, but said nothing. She had no information of her own, so she would just enjoy the night of hanging out with the women she'd come to love as her sisters.

Right now they were all in the bathroom. Cana was drinking sake off a floating bamboo tray. Mira sat next to her, but was not partaking in any alcohol. Levy sat chin-deep across the pool and Juvia seemed to be nearly in heaven in the warm water. Lucy and Evergreen were still washing up. Wendy, having just entered puberty, was too embarrassed with her growing body to take her towel off. She sat on the side of the pool with her feet in the water while Mira tried to coax her in.

So far no one had said anything unusual or particularly embarrassing, but Cana was certainly getting drunk enough to start soon.

"Hey, Mira," Lucy asked. "Where's Erza? I thought she'd be here tonight."

"She went off on a job this morning," Mira stated. "So she couldn't come."

"Another one? She seems busy lately," Lucy moaned. "I swear, she's taking a new S-class mission almost every week! Is there an armor she wants or something?"

Juvia chipped in. "It seems she chooses the missions based on location. As soon as she gets home from one, she scours the board for missions in particular places."

"Really?" Lucy asked. She knew Erza had been turning down missions with her usual companions, but she thought it was simply due to Erza's desire to take on more S-class missions again.

"As soon as she gets back, Erza asks Juvia if Juvia's seen anything on the board near certain towns," Juvia explained to the now interested crowd.

"Come to think of it, her missions seem to be lining up with reports of Crime Sorciere's movements," Levy added. "I noticed it when I was cataloging new mission reports."

Before Mira could comment, Cana began to laugh. "So you're saying she's using missions as booty calls?"

Wendy seemed simultaneously taken aback and confused.

"So she and Jellal are finally a thing?" Lucy questioned.

Murmuring commenced, but no one seemed to have a definitive answer.

Wendy may have been younger than the rest of the girls, but she certainly wasn't naïve enough to not know what couples did alone. Her lessons with Porlyusica about birth control and midwifery had gone into enough detail for her to understand the basics of sex. Unfortunately, that knowledge did not lead her to understand the implications of what she'd seen happening before she told the girls about it. "Come to think about it, recently I've seen Jellal sneak into Erza's room a few times."

"Yep, they're totally doing it," Cana laughed out.

"Really?" Levy questioned Wendy. "She's breaking the rules? Of course she always manages to find Gajeel in my room and kicks him out."

"You and Gajeel?" Wendy asked. She hadn't realized the two of them were in a relationship.

"She was actually the first one out of those slackers," Cana said, indicating the other girls in the bath, "to lose her virginity."

Wendy blushed and turned away. That hadn't been what she was intending to ask. Unfortunately her face turned towards Levy's, which she found to have turned as red as her own.

"Not before Evergreen," Levy muttered out.

Evergreen nodded, almost with pride. Although she was dating Elfman, they'd tried to keep it quiet. Of course, it had come out one drunken night that she had had boyfriends before Elfman, so they assumed she wasn't a virgin. They weren't wrong.

Mira, despite her modeling career full of sexy photos, had a long dry spell after Lisanna disappeared. Before that, she had hooked up with a few different mages in her rebellious phase. No one but Erza knew about that, though, and she wasn't about to correct a drunk Cana.

"You gotta wonder what Erza's like in bed, though," Cana said. "You'd know what kinda dirty books she reads, Levy, spill."

"It's actually pretty vanilla stuff. Knights and princesses. The kinkiest thing about them is probably the scenes where the girl is about to get raped and the hero saves her," Levy said.

"Yeah, but who's the knight and who's the princess here?" Cana questioned Levy. A few of the other girls burst out laughing.

"I seem to recall from the Grand Magic Games that she owns a dominatrix outfit," Mira said, playing innocent.

"And she didn't seem too grossed out by you spanking her," Lucy added. "So maybe it goes both ways?"

Wendy was getting lost. She may have known the mechanics of sex, but everything that came with it was still a mystery. Considering what she'd heard so far, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"There's no way she'd peg him," Cana declared. "So I'd be she's the submissive one for most of it despite the dominatrix getup."

"Juvia agrees with Levy. Erza doesn't seem to like things that are too kinky from what Juvia's seen in her room," Juvia replied.

Evergreen, despite not knowing Erza as well as the others, finally had something to contribute. "But I'd believe she's tried anal," the woman added. "When I was out shopping I saw her getting a big thing of lubricant."

"I did anal with Bacchus while we were drunk, and we didn't use lube. That hurt for a few days," Cana said.

Mira pretended to have a slip of the tongue while thinking, even if she fully intended to spill the information. "She did say she had trouble staying wet enough sometimes."

"Doesn't mean she isn't getting a little back door action," Cana replied with a sly smile.

Lucy blanched at the suggestion. "Just because you are doesn't mean she is!"

"She told you that?" Levy asked.

"I started dating Laxus around the time that she started having sex with Jellal, so I figured we should go to Porlyusica's for a check-up together. She wouldn't have done it on her own," Mira explained.

Wendy had been there that day, but Porlyusica had kicked her out. Now she knew why. Despite the healer's tendency to spit things out, she apparently hasn't wanted to corrupt Wendy. Her guildmates had no such decency.

"I mean, did she say anything else?" Lucy asked.

"No," Mira said. "We were both entirely healthy. Although," Mira paused for dramatic effect, "She's not having her periods, so who knows if she can get pregnant."

"Unless she's already pregnant?" Cana said suggestively.

"This was months ago. We'd know if she was pregnant by now," Mira said. "I'd assume it's from all her training."

"Are you and Laxus trying then, Mira?" Juvia asked. Wendy swore she heard Juvia mutter something about getting pregnant with Gray's baby.

Mira shook her head. "Well, I'm not getting any younger!" Mira added her innocent giggle to the end.

Levy leaned to whisper into Lucy's ear, "Watch Erza get pregnant faster." They both laughed.

"So back to Erza," Cana said. Her words were beginning to slur. "We've established she likes spanking."

"Definitely sex in nature, though," Mira added. "Crime Sorciere is still rather nomadic, so they sleep in tents and caves."

"I've done it a few times. It's enjoyable as long as you have something between you and the ground," Evergreen added.

"I'll have to try it some time," Mira giggled. "Have you done it Levy?"

"No," she admitted, blushing. "Gajeel isn't as adventurous with different locations as you'd think. He's still afraid I'm so small that I'll break in half as it is…"

"Boohoo, Gajeel," Cana said. "He needs to be more adventurous. One night Bacchus managed to get me to black out in a drinking contest and we woke up naked in an alley so we did it a second time. The bricks scraped my back, but it was worth it. I could see Wendy trying that when she's older. If I had healing magic I'd do it again."

"I- I think I should go to bed." Wendy finally had it in her to attempt to leave, but Cana was somehow faster. She pulled Wendy into the water.

"Even if you don't understand half of what we're saying, you're the one that got this started!" Cana declared. "Or were you going to search Erza's room for hints?" Cana paused, as if her drunken accusation was a legitimately viable idea.

Lucy began to protest, but stopped herself. Erza had looked into her underwear drawer, so why shouldn't she get to look in Erza's.

Mira was similarly curious. Although she visited Erza quite frequently for girl talk, she had no idea what Erza may have kept from her. It was a good opportunity to know.

As Cana dragged Wendy out and put a fluffy robe on her, Lucy, Mira, and Levy followed to the changing room. They all quickly dried off, eager to go into Titania's room.

"Are you coming, Evergreen?" Wendy asked innocently, hoping she'd have someone to stay with that wasn't likely to look around too much.

"I think I need a bit more of a soak," she said. In truth, she didn't want to get involved in this. She knew that Erza's current job was in Magnolia, so the mage would be returning for bed if she wasn't back already. How Mira didn't know this was a mystery.

Nonetheless, when Cana and company opened Erza's door the room was empty.

The rooms, as expected, were filled with armor. They couldn't find anything even slightly incriminating except for the tutu Natsu had gifted Erza. Unfortunately, they all knew the story behind that one, so there was nothing to be said.

As soon as they'd gotten to the last room – the bedroom – Cana began to search around. The other girls watched in horror as she started rifling through the bedside drawer. She quickly pulled a pack of condoms out of the bedside drawer. Her laugh grew as she pulled a small vibrator out.

"Considering how much she leaves to see Jellal, I'm surprised she needs this at all," Cana said, turning it on.

Seeing the confusion on Wendy's face, Levy began to whisper in her ear. "You use that to help make yourself feel better," she said. While she didn't want poor Wendy to be entirely left out, she felt she needed caution in telling her too much. She was sure Wendy was already scarred.

Wendy nodded, seeming a bit grossed out.

"That's disappointing!" Cana grumbled. "So vanilla. She doesn't even have flavored lube or condoms…"

Mira and Lucy had long since went into Erza's closet. To get back at Erza for the mage's past transgressions, Lucy went into Erza's underwear drawer.

"She doesn't seem to have anything risqué in here at all," Lucy said. "Then again, she doesn't seem to have a lot of pairs, so maybe she goes commando some days?"

Cana leaned over Lucy's shoulder. "Who would've thought Erza would be so boring?" She turned to Mira.

"Maybe Erza's into cosplay or role playing?" Mira suggested as she thumbed through Erza's extensive collection of bunny and cat girl outfits. There were also a few gothic Lolita dresses and character costumes. Hidden in the middle of the rack was the bondage costume she wore at the Grand Magic Games.

Cana began to inspect the various costumes, "It's possible. Some of her armors are fetish fuel. I wonder if she uses that for lingerie?"

"Wait! Cana! Come look at this!" Lucy said, almost in disbelief. She held up a pair of handcuffs and a length of rope.

Mira, Levy, and Cana came up behind her, curious to see what Lucy had found. Wendy stood back, frightened. She swore she heard a noise coming from Erza's room.

"Where'd you pull this from?" Cana asked, grabbing the evidence out of Lucy's hands.

"Hidden in her underwear drawer," Lucy told her. Cana gave the rope and handcuffs back to start searching for herself.

"Lookie here," she declared, holding up a few pairs of seemingly Jellal-sized boxers. She opened up the other drawers, only to find one full with men's pajamas, sweatpants, and casual clothes. "So I guess Jellal does come here enough." Levy raised her eyebrows.

Wendy tried to ask the girls to quiet down, so she could check if she really was hearing things outside the closet. Sure enough, she heard a small moan. She tried to signal to the other girls to warn them that someone was in there, but they didn't stop their quest through Erza's drawer.

"Ah, Jellal!" Erza's voice came through the door. Another moan came through. Wendy wondered if it was smart to leave while she still could show some excuse or if she should wait until they were done. She quickly decided that she didn't want to be any more scarred that day, so she slipped out of the closet and covered her eyes.

Outside Jellal and Erza turned to Wendy.

"W- Wendy! I didn't hear you," Erza said shakily. Wendy opened her eyes, revealing that both Jellal and Erza were dressed.

"I- it's nice to see you, Erza, Jellal," Wendy said sheepishly. "I'm sorry I interrupted you. I'll be going now. Good night."

"It's unusual to see you here," Erza said. "Did you need something?"

Wendy paused. How was she going to excuse this? How could she even look at Erza after all she'd heard that night? "I was wondering if you had any extra sheets," she asked innocently.

Erza, though slightly annoyed at the cockblock, knew that sometimes Wendy needed extra sheets. It used to be because of her tendency to sweat profusely during nightmares, but that problem had long since gone. Erza didn't press any further, knowing it might be a more embarrassing problem that had crept up with puberty. Still, Wendy hadn't asked for sheets for a long time, and that made Erza a bit suspicious.

She turned back to Jellal and nodded. "Why don't you get comfortable? I'll be back in a minute."

Wendy saw Jellal hang his coat up on a hook and put his armor on a chair. In the next room his cloak was thrown onto the couch. She was distracted by it and almost walked into Erza's back as Erza stopped at a linen closet built into the wall. She grabbed a set of plain white sheets and gave them to Wendy. Titania gave Wendy a small smile. "If you need sheets again, they're in here. Don't be afraid to ask for anything else," Erza said.

Erza had a soft spot for Wendy, so she offered the girl help beyond what Fairy Hills's matron normally would. That didn't mean she wasn't still anxious to get back to Jellal.

"Good night, Wendy," she said, closing the door as Wendy left for her own room.

"Good night, Erza," Wendy replied through the door. She didn't dare tell Erza about the others in her closet. She also didn't dare think about anything she'd heard coming out of the other girls' mouths that night. She'd heard lot, and she wasn't sure she had any desire to remember any of it. Maybe she could beg Doranbolt to erase her memories. Then again, that would mean she would have to tell him what happened. Wendy nixed that idea immediately and mulled over solutions on her way back to her apartment.

Erza returned to her room. Jellal had left his shirt and pants on, which disappointed Erza. She immediately exquipped out of her clothing, leaving herself naked in front of him, and walked over towards him. She liked wearing costumes for him, but she wasn't in the mood to wait today. Her lips crashed against his for a sloppy kiss and she pushed him to the bed.

Inside the closet, Mira was looking through the keyhole watching the couple.

"Are they doing anything?" Levy asked, curious.

"It sounds pretty vanilla – just kissing," Lucy whispered.

"Get out of my way! I need to see," Cana said harshly, pushing Mira to the side.

Jellal stopped kissing Erza to whisper in her ear. "Someone's in your closet." He nipped her earlobe in case whoever was in the closet could see them. He didn't want to tip them off.

"Let them stay there," Erza whispered back. She helped him undress and they continued their rather clumsy ministrations.

"Man, they're boring," Cana lamented. "All that speculation for nothing!"

Lucy and Levy, now regretting their decision to follow Cana and Mira, moved away from the door and crawled to the back wall of the walk-in closet.

Jellal heard this, and was tempted to show her that she was wrong, but chose to focus his attention solely on Erza. They managed to continue until they came, hiding their mutual embarrassment at the situation. Jellal attempted to wrap his arms around her for their usual post-sex snuggles before both took their turns in the bathroom. To his surprise, Erza was already out of bed and requipped into her pajamas. If she hadn't been opposed to the crowd in her closet before, she certainly was now.

Erza stomped over to the door, forced it open, and glared at the four mages in her closet. She didn't say anything, instead opening a drawer to grab Jellal a pair of sweatpants. She placed them on the bed next to where Jellal was lying under the covers.

"Out," she sternly told the other girls.

"So being watched is your fetish?" Cana asked her.

"No. I had been cockblocked once tonight and it wasn't about to happen again," Erza explained, as if that explained anything. She may not have had any modesty around her guildmates, but they didn't think she'd go this far as to have sex in front of them.

"It wasn't that hot anyways," Cana informed her. "I expected you to be all into bondage or something. You're just into the boring stuff." Obviously she hadn't sobered up enough get out of her perverted mindset.

Erza glared at Mira. "Did you get her on to that idea?"

"No," Mira said.

"I know that's your thing anyways," Erza said with attack.

Levy had snuck out of the room while Lucy watched Jellal's face. It remained stoic despite the red flush tinting it.

"Wait," Erza paused. "Is this what this is about? You were trying to figure out what my fetishes were?"

Mira kept a smile on her face. Lucy looked horrified. Cana nodded.

"Why wouldn't we?"

Erza stared at her, dumbfounded, but not entirely motivated to do anything. Lucy and Mira backed out of the room while Cana followed them out, closing the door behind her.

As soon as the door closed, Mira leaned over into Cana's ear. "What you were looking for is in her exquip space."

"How do you know?" Cana asked.

"I know she has the stuff you want to know about, and if it's not in her room, it has to be there," she said with a smile and walked off.

Cana considered going back to confront Erza about it, but even she was sober enough to know it wasn't a good idea. Some day she would find out.

* * *

After a stop in the bathroom, Erza went under the covers to snuggle with Jellal, happy just to have him there for another night. Although she wouldn't admit it, having her friends watch was an experiment for her. She didn't end up liking it, but if Jellal went along, he had to have some adventure in him. Her mouth curled into a sly smile as she nuzzled her head against his chest and fell asleep. Oh, did she have a lot she wanted to try with him now.

* * *

 **A/N:** I think Erza and Jellal are total dorks in bed. They both get really embarrassed easily around each other in even mildly sexual situations and considering the emotional baggage I'd bet they wouldn't get too adventurous in bed too fast. Instead, it's my headcanon that they have sex like adorable embarrassed virgins for a while before they get the hang of it. So here while everyone's expecting the two to be really adventurous they're still being adorkable.

I might do the FT guys speculating about the same thing with naïve Natsu actually asking the confused questions, but Idk if I'm currently motivated enough for that.


	2. Speculation - Gale

**A/N:** I kept coming up with plot bunnies that would fit more along the lines of speculation than those of In Which Everyone is a Perv. Hence the extra One-Shots in here featuring lots of Cana and Mirajane and different pairings.

I've got three more ideas right now (Speculation on Natsu's knowledge of anything sexual, Cana attempting to give Wendy the talk, and the girls playing Never Have I Ever to find out what Cana _hasn't_ done), but it may be a while before you see anything.

The first Oneshot was Jerza-focused, so here's so GaLe/GaJevy speculation goodness for you.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Speculation Part II**

Mira had suspected that Gajeel and Levy were together ever since the incident with the Alvarez Empire. She knew that they liked each other beforehand, hell they were inseparable, but that they were too shy to admit anything to the other. When the war was over she suspected they had indeed confessed at a time of stress.

It began with Gajeel's rather open ogling of Levy's butt at Fairy Tail's victory party. Previously, the Iron Dragon Slayer would have acted aloof, trying to ignore the view presented to him. Mira also knew that Levy could tell Gajeel was staring and had no reaction. At that point Mira knew something major had changed in their relationship. When she caught a drunk Gajeel "subtly" grabbing Levy's ass in plain sight and the girl didn't squeak in response, Mira wondered how far they had gone. When the couple left the party "discreetly" out the back door Mira confirmed in her mind exactly how far they had gone or were going to go that night.

Thankfully, Cana was too drunk to notice, or at least Mira assumed that when the mage didn't react to any of the signs between Levy and Gajeel. Or perhaps it was her being mopey about her father not allowing her to drink as much as she liked. Mira was too busy watching the couples to pay attention to her friend.

Natsu was still too naïve to notice Lucy, and Lucy still too much a blushing virgin to consider doing anything with him on her own. Erza, Mira's closest friend, had invited Jellal to the party, but he and Crime Sorciere had already left to find and defeat any remaining stragglers who didn't know the war was over.

Bacchus had been banned courtesy of Gildarts with the excuse that this was a "Fairy Tail only party," which had started out true until all the mages invited their friends from other guilds anyways. Gray was trying his hardest to ignore Juvia, but her advances and his drunken desire was making life hard on him. Only Juvia's own intoxication spared him at the moment.

Laxus was busy drinking with a bunch of male mages, including Elfman, right at the center of the party. After almost dying during the war, Mira had realized that life was short and she wanted to have children of her own to carry on her legacy. She knew Erza would end up with Jellal one day despite their current reluctance to admit it, so Mira knew she would have to date someone strong if she hoped to have children that could match up to her friend/rival's. Laxus was a definite candidate for that spot.

Finally Mira watched the last few revelers leave the guild hall and began to clean up. Cana, as usual, was the last one inside with her. Erza, to finish up policing the party for any brawls, had also stayed long.

"Did you see Levy leave tonight, Erza?" Mira asked with a tired smile to hide her true intentions.

"No," the armored mage admitted. "Is there something I should know?"

"Yeah," Cana replied roughly. For once she sounded tired after a long night of drinking, but a sly smile crept onto her face telling Erza roughly what happened. "She's doing Gajeel right now."

Erza, never one to be easily embarrassed around her guild mates, stayed silent for a minute. "Huh? Her and Gajeel?"

Mira giggled at her frenemy missing the obvious sexual tension between Levy and Gajeel. Erza was never one for gossip and was never entirely good at reading certain situations, but surely she had to notice that the bookworm and the dragon slayer were into each other. Everyone else had by that point. Well, except Jet and Droy, but they were in denial.

"Wonder if they're brave enough to do it at Fairy Hills," Cana laughed along with Mira. "I'm not even that ballsy, but Gajeel would totally do it."

Erza was ready to stomp out to go check if Cana was correct, but Cana's arm pulled her back to the bar. They saw the back door open to watch Juvia creep in.

"Juvia?" Mira asked, genuinely curious as to why the girl was back.

"Gray-sama wouldn't let Juvia leave with him," the love-struck girl sighed. "And Fairy Hills was fairly noisy, so Juvia came back to the guildhall."

Erza perked up more, "Noisy?" Mira and Cana could guess what she thought.

"Yes. Some of the girls from other guilds are staying there overnight, and they're still up drinking," Juvia explained. Erza seemed slightly annoyed, but sat back because the situation wasn't what she'd anticipated needing to deal with.

"Did Levy return, per chance?" Mira asked.

"Juvia did not see her," Juvia responded.

"So they're totally doing it," Cana said to confirm her theory. "Levy's a virgin, right?"

"Well, she hasn't had any previous relationships I know about," Mira pondered. "And she wouldn't have done anything while drunk. Though I don't think they would have done anything during the war. Gajeel's too focused on fighting for that."

"Weren't they dating when Fairy Tail was disbanded?" Juvia asked.

"Not that I know of," Erza replied, crossing her arms in front of her breastplate. "I saw both at work, and they didn't seem to see each other often."

"So maybe tonight's the night she gets her cherry popped," Cana said excitedly. "That's worthy of another round!"

Mira, using the excuse that she had already closed up shop, didn't give Cana another mug of beer.

"Juvia wishes she could say the same tonight," the water mage whined out.

Erza remained stoic. "So long as he doesn't hurt her." She didn't like to admit it, but she had was worried that Gajeel (well, any of the dragon slayers) didn't know their own strength. Whether it was due to their violent nature or sheer stupidity, Erza didn't know.

"Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't do that," Mira said. "After a day of drinking he lamented that he would never be able to have sex with her because it would lead to her ripping in half."

"You sure he wasn't just bragging about his dick?" Cana crudely spat out.

"Juvia doesn't think so. Gajeel is afraid he'll hurt Levy," Juvia explained.

"Has he talked to you about it?" Mira asked Juvia.

Juvia nodded back. "Gajeel has shared his concerns with Juvia several times when no one's around. Juvia thinks he's incredibly shy towards Levy, so he doesn't want too many people to know."

"Did he tell you anything else?" Erza inquired.

"Yeah, like did he tell you anything about his dick? Better yet, have you seen it?" Cana asked.

"Juvia has not."

Cana's face developed a pout, reflecting her disappointment in Juvia's answer.

"I have," Erza said, surprising the three mages surrounding her.

"Really?" Mira asked.

"When'd you do that? It's not like you're not a virgin yourself. And we all know that won't change any time soon since Jellal's too wimpy to do you," Cana spoke.

"I went to a mixed bath on a mission a while back with Natsu and Gajeel. Levy and Lucy didn't want to go in for whatever reason," Erza said.

Mira once again held back a giggle aimed at her friend, this time because her friend didn't understand why two girls wouldn't want to bathe with their crushes.

"So, tell me this," Cana slurred. "Is it pierced?"

"Is what pierced?" Erza asked naively.

"You know what: his dick," Cana scolded her.

"Well, he has piercings in many places, so I'd assume it's a possibility," Erza replied.

"But you saw it, you should know," Cana reminded her.

"It was in a hot spring, so I was too relaxed to pay attention."

"You even takes hot springs very seriously, don't you?" Mira said in the sweetest tone she could make. Cana knew her friend was trying not to seethe at the lack of information she could glean from Erza.

"If it is, I wonder what that'd feel like," Cana pondered. "Maybe I should ask Bacchus to get one. Or maybe I should get myself a piercing somewhere down there."

"Maybe Levy has one," Juvia suggested. Erza, Cana, and Mira all turned to stare at her.

"Levy didn't have any body piercings last I saw," Erza said.

Cana and Mira waited for more details.

"Before the war Juvia saw Levy going into a piercing salon in Crocus. Unfortunately Juvia didn't have time to talk to her," Juvia expanded.

"And we've seen no new piercings anywhere public on Levy," Cana said, "So you know what that means. The question is where – a nipple or hood? Or somewhere else." Erza could see Cana's mind churning through the various possibilities.

"Well, that just means we'll have to get together for a bath at Fairy Hills sometime soon," Mira suggested.

"Not necessary," Cana replied. "I'll just feel her up tomorrow."

"That wouldn't be appropriate," Mira replied, as if that had stopped Cana before.

"Why doesn't someone just ask?" Erza inquired.

"Like she'd admit she has one if she does," Cana snapped back. "We all know she has to be a pervert, after all she provides you with the romance novels you read, right Erza? So there has to be some kinky side to her."

Mira chuckled into her hand. "Are you implying Gajeel's the innocent one?"

"I've never heard him talk about anything other than cats and fighting," Cana told Mira.

"He talks about a lot more than that," Mira replied.

"But never sex," Erza added.

"No. Never sex," Mira agreed. "Levy, on the other hand, I've heard talk about it a few times. And Cana's right about the novels Levy buys, but maybe she's just ran out of other things to read in her spare time?"

"Doubt it," Cana said, finishing up her last drops of beer for the night.

"Since you're almost done cleaning, I'm going to head back with Juvia," Erza said.

Cana followed Erza and Juvia out, but not before winking to Mira and mouthing out 'set up the bath party' to Mira. This would be good.

* * *

It was only a few nights later when Erza, Mira, and Cana saw the plans discussed on a whim come together. Juvia, choosing to avoid this potential mess so that she could see Gray, opted out of the night. Lucy had been invited along with Levy to ensure a lack of suspicion while Erza had made sure Wendy was out on a mission. She did not want one of the few cute, innocent members of Fairy Tail left to hear such lewd things as they planned to talk about.

The girls were all gathered in the bath sipping sake except for Levy. In the planning stage, Erza had suggested just holding a party with a game involving stripping. If it involved cards, Cana could have manipulated it well enough to force Levy to strip down. Cana refused, knowing Levy would be suspicious to be targeted in such a manner. A bath was much less conspicuous of an excuse to see the bookworm naked.

Finally Levy dropped her towel to wash off. The girls (excluding Lucy) were all staring with an intent focus on Levy's breasts. To their frustration, there were no piercings. She didn't even have a bellybutton piercing.

"Levy," Cana cooed. "Come into the bath already, why don't you?"

Shyly, the blue-haired girl walked over to them, the towel wrapped carefully around her body once more.

"Got something to hide?" Cana smiled out.

Levy shook her head before quickly removing her towel and submerging herself in the water. Erza and Mira heard Cana grumble when no nipple piercings were spotted.

"How'd it go with Gajeel?" Mira asked, taking a more gentle approach.

"Good," Levy said. "Though he doesn't quite understand how proposals work and he's too embarrassed to make anything with me formal."

"Not embarrassed of you, I'm sure," Erza said, a predatory edge coloring her words.

"No. No! Never," Levy assured Erza, blushing. "He's just too obsessed with his tough image to be very sappy about that sort of thing. It was cute to see him blush when he brought himself down to my level to make sure he was doing everything right."

Mira nodded in approval, holding back her surprise that Cana hadn't blurted out something about wishing she'd seen that. Instead the brunette mage had snuck up behind Levy and was now holding the girl out of the water and opening her legs with one knee. Levy was squirming, trying desperately to get out of her grasp.

"C- Cana! What are you doing?" Levy cried out. Too small to fight off Cana, she tried to escape, but her attempts were futile.

After a quick inspection of the space between Levy's legs, Cana released a frustrated sigh and moved back to her spot.

"What was that for?" Levy asked Cana, having returned underwater with her legs crossed and one arm over her breasts.

"I wanted to see if you were pierced anywhere fun," Cana said. "Your boyfriend would surely enjoy it if you were."

Levy tried to scoot back, but she hit the wall of the spring.

Mira smiled at Levy, acting like she had no part in it. "Juvia said she saw you go into a piercing salon in Crocus, so I think Cana misinterpreted that." The demon sent a look at Cana to make sure she wouldn't out Mira's encouragement of her scheme.

"Oh, that was a while ago," Levy explained. "One of my ear piercings needed to be re-done after a small infection so I had to go in."

"I'm sure Gajeel appreciates your piercings, with how many he has," Erza commented.

Levy blushed.

"'Does he have and interesting piercings?' is what she meant to ask," Cana butted in.

Levy's blush spread to her whole body. "Why would I know that?"

"I assumed, since you left the party early with him –" Mira replied.

"She means we know you've done it at least once," Cana cut Mira off. "So you have to have seen his dick. So you have to know."

Levy looked down at her lap. "No, he doesn't, but…"

Her companions leaned in with rapt attention, waiting for their friend to finish her sentence.

"If he gets too turned on with no relief for too long, he claims it turns to iron," Levy whispered.

Cana laughed and exclaimed that she had known that all along. Erza had one of her sly, perverted smiles plastered on her face, suggesting that she wanted to know more. Mira's demonic smile mimicked Erza's.

The girls leaned closer, seemingly wanting more information. Levy knew she was in trouble now, so she grabbed her towel and prepared to leave the spring.

"Not so fast," Erza said, determined to keep Levy in the spring. "Why don't you relax a little longer?"

It was at that point that Levy wondered why she bothered coming to bathe with her friends that night. She knew that they knew she was sleeping with Gajeel. She ran as fast as she could to her room without any changing done and locked the door. She vowed not to make that mistake again, even if she knew she might get interesting information out of all three of her interrogators in the near future.

She knew Mira was looking at Laxus like a piece of meat lately. Erza had always been pining over someone, even if Levy had only recently learned who it was. Cana, well Cana had had many men she could glean information about from her, but none she was interested in. She began to form her plan of action, hoping to get her revenge.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'll probably never follow up on that Levy thing, but who knows… More to come soon(ish)?


	3. Speculation - Everyone

**A/N:** PROCRASTINATION! (Or, me doing other stuff to not do more important things)

This oneshot is a combo of two of the ideas I mentioned in the last oneshot. It should be decently long? Cana giving Wendy a drunk talk will happen next? Maybe? Idk. I'll also do one about the men discussing about the girls eventually.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Speculation Part III**

It came as a bit of a shock to everyone that Erza was having her bachelorette party so quickly, considering the late start she got on her relationship and the fact that she'd jumped the gun on Jellal's proposal – he hadn't intended to do so for another few months. The planning for the couple's parties and their wedding took a week after the "proposal." The wedding was set to happen in the guild two days after the men and women of Fairy Tail celebrated separately.

While the men were stuck drinking in the guild with a very uncomfortable Jellal, the women had booked a night at a very fancy resort just outside of Magnolia. Unfortunately, Carla refused to let Wendy come along at her young age, so the two of them stayed back at Fairy Hills to babysit Asuka. That left Erza, Mira, Juvia, Lucy, Levy, Cana, Meredy, Evergreen, Bisca, Lisanna, and Mavis sitting in a massive lounge.

After a glamorous day at the spa, complementary shopping, one gourmet dinner, and a night at the theatre, the women lounged in their nicest new pajamas drinking. Cana was drinking her usual barrels of beer, but the other women were drinking the complementary bottomless champagne and wine the resort provided them upon hearing that the guests were heroes of the war with the Alvarez Empire. In fact, that was why the resort was giving them all those perks, not that the women were complaining.

"Today's been so nice," Lucy commented. "I wonder if we'll always be this pampered."

"Probably not," Levy sighed. "Once the guild starts destroying things again I doubt we'll be so welcomed."

"So no more celebrations like this," Lucy lamented.

"Maybe once Levy finally decides to get married to Gajeel," Lisanna reminded Lucy. "Right, Levy?"

The blue-haired girl blushed.

"You two have been dating longer than anyone but Evergreen and Elfman," Juvia pointed out.

"Alzack and I dated about as long as you two before we were married," Bisca added.

"He's just too scared to propose," Erza postulated.

"Or maybe he's one of those guys who thinks sex gets worse after marriage," Bisca said.

"Well, it's certainly possible," Mira said.

"Yeah, it's not like any of the male dragon slayers are that smart," Cana chimed in.

When sober Levy and Lucy would defend Gajeel and Natsu, but the alcohol was beginning to take effect on them, as it was on everyone else.

"But it doesn't really matter," Bisca replied. "It depends on what it's like now, and how well you can maintain your relationship."

"Says the married woman. What is it like now?" Cana replied in a voice that could only mean trouble. "Natsu can't be that good. He's too naïve."

Lisanna and Lucy blushed at the sentiment.

"Actually, I'd bet he knows quite a bit," Lisanna suggested.

"You know Lisanna?" Mira asked, curious about her younger sister's relationship with the dragon-slayer.

"Well, he has pretty good hearing, and there were certainly adult talks when we were little at the guild hall," the younger Strauss explained.

"But was he able to process that information?" Erza leaned in, not convinced the pink-haired dragon slayer had the attention span or interest to learn any of the information that came to his ear. That is, if he even realized its significance enough to store the information.

"I don't know," Lisanna replied.

"Ask Lucy," Mira said slyly.

"He- Natsu does know the basics, and some other stuff," Lucy said meekly.

"What other stuff?" Erza asked, curious as ever about perverted matters between the fellow couples of the guild.

"I- I don't know much," Lucy said.

"But you are sleeping with him, right? You have to know!"

"We aren't sleeping together," Lucy replied, blushing. "He's just explained some things to me."

"Really?" Erza exclaimed. "But you always share a tent if we're camping these days and he seems to like sleeping in your bed."

"Everyone likes to sleep in my bed," Lucy moaned.

"You're warm," Erza replied, as if it explained anything.

"How about you, Erza? You're the one getting married." Lucy attempted to shift the focus off of herself.

"Jellal's very good in bed," she said with confidence.

"No he isn't," Cana told her. "You're both way too boring in bed."

"No we aren't, we," Erza paused, suddenly blushing too much at the thought of Jellal to speak.

"Levy?" Cana asked, changing her target.

"N- no! You already asked me months ago," the blue haired mage exclaimed, but Cana was already grabbing onto her, encouraging Levy to talk.

"Juvia thinks Gray-sama is great in bed," Juvia said, saving Levy from further embarrassment.

"Yeah, I already know that," Cana said. Everyone stared at her in surprise – they knew Cana had slept with a good number of mages, but they didn't know she'd slept with any of the guys from Fairy Tail.

"Y-you- have slept with Gray-sama?" Juvia accused her.

"No way, but you talk about sleeping with him enough that I've felt like I've done him."

"Meredy-chan! Have you done anything noteworthy?" Juvia pleaded with the girl to distract Cana.

"No. Even when he's with Erza I swear Jellal's watching. He doesn't let me get close enough to any boys outside of Crime Sorciere," she complained.

"Really?" Erza asked, knowing Meredy's past problems with Crime Sorciere's guild master being overprotective of the girl.

"Yeah! He's acting like such a Dad, even more now that you're dating. Lyon from Lamia Scale has a crush on me, and he's pretty hot, so I was going to see if he wanted to go on a few dates, but at this rate it might just be best to sleep with him," Meredy pouted. "Or else I'll never get laid."

"That's too bad. Maybe you'll have time to meet someone while Erza's distracting him for their honeymoon? How about you, Evergreen? How's Elfman?" Mira asked, almost not wanting to know about her younger brother, but knowing her penchant for gossip was stronger.

"Elfman's getting better," Evergreen sighed. "Still a bit too vocal for my tastes, but someone managed to convince him that spending extra time on his woman was manly, so that's good." Mira smirked, and Evergreen wondered if the demon had really gotten involved in her younger brother's sex life enough to council him. It was creepy enough to Evergreen that her boyfriend's sister asked about such things.

Lisanna certainly didn't take after her older sister, apparently attempting to ignore the line of thought.

"How about Laxus?" Evergreen returned Mira's question.

"Well, he's certainly attractive," Mira commented. "Not the best I've had."

"Really?" Evergreen asked, almost offended.

"He focuses on himself rather than me," she sighed. "But that's okay – I'm working on training him to suit my needs." The demon emerged, and some of the girls were scared for Laxus's sake. Mavis, having not been told about Mira's more demonic sexual tendencies, was left blissfully oblivious. Despite the Fairy Tail founder being a full century older than any of them, no one was about to tell the founder what was going on.

"You guys are so boring," Cana said. "All of you."

"Then what do you do?" Someone asked Cana.

"Why don't we play a game to find out?" Erza suggested. Lucy, Levy, and Juvia all shuddered, remembering what that same suggestion had brought about the last time when alcohol was involved.

"No!" Lucy yelled, hoping it would detract Erza.

"It's my party, we're playing," Erza said, leaving no room for contesting her suggestion.

Gulping, Lucy asked the important question. "How's this going to work?"

Erza gathered all of the full bottles of alcohol and placed them on the table in the center of the room. "Basically, everyone has to say something they haven't done sexually and everybody who has must take a big sip of their wine."

"Sounds fun," Cana told Erza. No one else seemed nearly as encouraged. "Who's going to start?"

"Mavis," Erza said bluntly. The founder's face turned cold, as it so often did when she faced a challenge. It was obvious that she had a good strategy in mind.

The guild's founder began to open her mouth, but paused, making sure everyone was ready. "I've never… had sex," Mavis said, taking the easy way out. Everyone but Meredy, Lucy, and Lisanna drank.

"Really? But surely you've been alive long enough," Lucy asked Mavis.

"No one really wants to sleep with someone that looks twelve, no matter how old you really are," Mavis pouted. "My body was also encased in crystal for the majority of that time."

"Though you have kissed Zeref," Cana said. "I'd say that none of us will ever match that."

Mavis blushed, not wanting to know how Cana knew that bit of information. "Who's next? Lisanna?"

Lisanna quietly adjusted herself in her seat. No one was prepared for what she would say. "Never have I ever tied up and spanked my best friend." Erza and Mira enthusiastically drank down their entire glasses of wine and reached for more.

The girls who had not witnessed the punishment game – Mavis and Meredy in particular – sat with wide eyes as the two girls looked ready to do it again.

Meredy began to laugh after a minute of shock. "Oh my gosh, where'd that happen?"

"Well, it began with Mira tying Erza up in the road in front of the guild. Juvia thinks Erza was wearing a maid outfit," Juvia explained.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would've brought Jellal to watch," Meredy laughed. The other girls (with the exception of a red-faced Erza), joined in. Once the laughter died down, the girls looked to the next speaker: Meredy.

"I haven't had sex away from a bed," Meredy said proudly. Mavis had stolen her original statement, meant to catch as many of the girls as possible. This was the next best.

For the third time, Erza and Mira drank. Along with her were Cana, Juvia, Evergreen, and Bisca.

"Details?" Cana asked.

It didn't take much for an intoxicated and competitive Mira to spill. "That I can remember," she almost purred out in one of her more demonic voices, "In the lounge of Blue Pegasus, in a garden, the kitchen, the headquarters of the Weekly Sorcerer, the beach, in the guild hall after hours, and," the girls waited with baited breath as they wondered what more Mira could be holding back, "On the guildmaster's desk."

"What?" Erza asked, slightly offended, but curious.

"It was Laxus's idea," Mira explained. "I humored him."

"Don't think I can beat that," Cana admitted. "I've had sex in plenty of bars, alleys, random rooms, and such, but that's impressive."

"I've only done it in a bed, the wilderness, and on a beach, so I can't beat that either," Erza said sadly, but with a twinkle in her eye indicating she was up to the challenge of trying to beat that.

"Neither can I," Levy sighed. "Gajeel still refuses to do anything outside of a bed. If he didn't, I would have a good story."

"Really?" Erza probed.

"We got pretty hot and heavy on a desk at ERA," Levy explained.

"His desk or someone else's?"

"I don't know," Levy said. "I just rashly pulled him into an office, though I think it was one of the council member's office."

"That would have been impressive," Erza agreed. "Maybe I'll get Jellal to sneak into his old office there."

"Evergreen?" Cana asked, moving on.

"Only various places in the forest," she informed the crowd. "We're both into it, so it happens a lot."

"The same," Bisca agreed. "Though I've also done it on a train." She didn't mention having sex on the pool table that introduced her to Erza. That was a story for another time.

"How was that?" Mira asked with a smile. "I'm sure Erza wants to try it for her honeymoon."

"It was fun, but the bumpiness and jerking of the train made everything a bit difficult, not to mention occasionally painful if the angle was wrong," Bisca informed them.

"Juvia? Underwater, I assume?" Cana asked.

"Of course! A spring, the ocean, the bath," Juvia explained. "Sometimes Juvia will even turn herself into water to stimulate him better in those environments. He likes it quite a bit. One time he was so turned on he accidentally turned Juvia into ice for a few minutes."

No one quite knew quite how to respond to that, even Cana. They moved on instead. Unfortunately, Juvia was the next in line to prompt discussion.

"Never has Juvia ever so much as kissed anyone drunk," Juvia said. Everyone but Mavis drank to that.

"Wait, I thought you said Jellal never gave you enough leeway, Meredy," Lisanna questioned.

"One time we were monitoring a party that had representatives from many guilds in attendance. It just so happened that Erza was there, so she managed to distract Jellal long enough for me to sneak off with Lyon, though I was too scared to get far away enough to do more," the pink-haired mage told them.

"He's such a cockblock," Cana sighed. "You should do a better job at distracting him for her sake, Erza! And Lucy! I'm surprised you drank."

"Well, you know how I get flirty when drunk," Lucy replied shyly. "One time I managed to corner Natsu and make out with him, but he refused to do anything more since I was drunk and his friend."

"Someday," Cana told her, "Someday you'll get some."

Lucy whined, scared for Cana to find out when that day came.

"I'll go then," Bisca said. "Alzack and I have never had a threesome."

Erza, for once, didn't take a sip. The only one to do so was Mira.

"Not Cana?" Levy asked.

"What are you trying to say about me?" Cana said.

"You have to have at least considered it," Mira accused her.

"Well, yeah, I have," she admitted, "But I've never actually done it. Should I?"

Mira nodded. "It was rather enjoyable," she replied. The alcohol getting to her, she went a little further. "I wish I could get Laxus to try it. It would be fun to include Erza and Jellal!"

Erza blushed and started to mumble incoherently.

"If only I could get in on that," Cana joked.

"I'd prefer not to see that," Mavis said.

"And why would you?" Cana asked.

"If it involved so many Fairy Tail members, I would assume it would take place at the guild hall," Mavis told her.

"Well, you're not wrong to think that."

"Who's next?" Erza asked, urging the game on.

"I am!" Lucy said. "Never have I ever dated someone who was not a member of Fairy Tail."

"Maybe you should just admit you haven't dated anyone," Levy mumbled.

"That wasn't risqué enough!" Erza said, refusing to raise her glass to her lips until Mira took a sip herself. "And why isn't Cana drinking to that?"

"She said dating. I've never dated anyone outside Fairy Tail, just hooked up," Cana calmly stated.

"Then who's Bacchus?"

"A friend with benefits."

"I'll go now," Evergreen interrupted. "I've never taken inspiration for my sex life from any books." Lucy and Levy drank, but they were surprised to not see Erza pick up her glass.

"You haven't, Erza?" Levy asked.

"Why would I need to? I act things out based on the costumes I have," Erza retorted. "Shouldn't you be asking why Lucy has if she says she's still a virgin?"

"I may be a virgin, but that doesn't mean books haven't influenced what I want in the future," Lucy tried to explain.

"Like what?" Erza probed.

"You know she won't tell you," Levy said. "Unless we can get more information out another way."

"It's your turn," Erza pointed out. "You do it."

Levy grumbled, trying to think of something that would please Erza. "Never have I ever fantasized about sneaking out of a party to have sex in the palace." That got Lucy alone to drink.

"To be fair, even if she hasn't fantasized about it, I'm sure Erza and Jellal's Edolas counterparts have done just that," Lucy joked, but Erza didn't dispute her suspicions.

Mira, knowing it was her turn, smiled innocently. "I've never had sex because I got stuck in custom Heart Kruez armor." Only Erza drank, making a few of the girls want to ask. The scary expression on the mage's face quashed any wishes of an explanation being given.

"Well, I've never had a partner so bad I've used my magic to chase them out of the room," Erza challenged Mira back. She hadn't intended it to get anyone else, but both Evergreen and Cana drank as well. Slowly, reluctantly, Levy took a sip of her wine.

"No way! I thought you'd only slept with Gajeel, though, Levy," Lucy said.

"Well, one time it was my time of the month and he really wanted it, so I used solid script to lock him out of the room," she meekly explained. The other girls began to laugh.

"You didn't need to drink, then," Erza replied. "We've all done that, and not because they're bad in bed."

"Well, except for Lucy, Meredy, and Mavis," Cana laughed.

"And Lisanna," Mira corrected. "Well, shall we wrap this up? Cana?" She watched the woman think about something she hadn't done that wasn't already covered.

"Never have I ever been part of sex involving someone that a Fairy Tail member defeated in a non-friendly battle," Cana said smugly. Erza, Mira, and Levy drank. "That means you too, Juvia and Evergreen. I'm pretty sure you were both defeated by Fairy Tail members and have had sex." Juvia took a drink quietly. Evergreen saw it necessary to shoot Cana a dirty look before doing so.

"I guess that's the end then?" Evergreen asked, seeming eager to have this end.

Levy giggled, showing the alcohol's effect on her.

"Unless anyone wants to do another round," Erza said, her aggressive drunk personality beginning to show.

"I'm in," Cana declared, and the girls gulped, not quite ready for what would happen next.

* * *

After most of the women had gone to bed, only Cana and Meredy were left in the lounge.

"What I'd give to listen to some of Mira and Erza's conversations," Cana sighed.

"Imagine what dirt I'd get on Jellal," Meredy said. "Based on what they knew each other did tonight, I'm sure they tell each other a lot more."

"I wish I knew," Cana told Meredy. "But despite their rivalry they're far too close to tell anyone else their dirty stories."

"You do know something," Meredy suggested.

"That they're boring?" Cana asked for clarification.

"How do you know that anyways?" Meredy asked in return.

"Well, this one time, us girls were having a conversation at Fairy Hills," Cana said, beginning her tale of their adventure in Erza's closet.

* * *

 **A/N:** That brings it somewhat full circle, but I don't think this will be the last oneshot by any means.


	4. Speculation - Cana talks to Wendy

**Speculation**

 **A/N:** I don't feel like I have a good handle on the characters, but especially the male characters, so idk when or if the guys speculating about the girls will happen.

Instead, here's some Cana and Wendy goodness. (I really like to write fics that will scar the mind of poor little Wendy, don't I?) It's not really speculation-themed, but I put it here anyways. Sisterly Cana is the best Cana (Maybe). This is pretty short compared to other chapters.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Speculation Part IV**

It was a quiet morning in Fairy Hills when Cana woke up. Laki and Evergreen were out on missions, Erza was already up for her morning run, Levy was at Gajeel's for the night, and Juvia had gotten an early start that morning to meet Gray before he left. She slumped through the halls on her way to the guild to begin another day of drinking with the possibility of getting a mission.

Behind a door she heard Wendy shuffling around nervously, which was unusual. Typically the young girl would be up at dawn to go help Porlyusica out if she was in town. If she didn't, she was usually at the guild hall learning from the older mages.

Cana knocked on the door before opening it. Carla was nowhere to be seen, and Wendy was desperately trying to hide a book under her bed. The older mage, sensing the book to be a part of the odd scene, got to Wendy in time and grabbed the book from her hands.

Looking at the leather bound cover, and even the spine, there was nothing spectacular about the book. It was a deep red with minor gold decoration and no title inscribed into the leather. Cana looked up to see Wendy squirm as she opened the book to the title page. Inside, in bold lettering it read: _Female Human Reproduction._

"Why d'you have this, Wendy?" Cana suspected that she knew why, but since there were so many possibilities, she wasn't going to assume anything.

"Well," Wendy said, reluctant to speak to Cana about it.

"Well?" Cana asked, not willing to accept Wendy's nervousness for an answer.

"It seems all the girls in the guild I know well all have boyfriends now," she said.

"Is this about our girl talk we're always having?" Cana wouldn't admit that she encouraged it, even When Wendy was in the room.

Wendy nodded.

"So what has Porlyusica told you? I'm sure you know something," Cana said.

"Well, menstruation and childbirth," Wendy quietly replied.

"About sex," Cana clarified.

"Just the basics," she almost whispered back.

"Like what?" Cana asked again, beginning to flip through the book in an attempt to figure out exactly what Wendy would have learned. It was full of anatomical drawings and scientific gibberish that Cana knew she had no hope of understanding.

"That a man and a woman do something involving their… you know," Wendy said with a shaking voice.

Cana huffed and plopped herself down onto Wendy's bed. "You're thirteen now, right? You're old enough to be taught about this."

Wendy blushed.

"I think I was your age," Cana added. "Me, Mira, and Erza all had to get the talk from Porlyusica, and she wasn't helpful at all, other than giving us a birth control potion to take. And don't get me started on when we got our periods for the first time!"

Although she didn't want to hear anything what was coming, Wendy assumed it was better than whatever the older mages had gotten. Cana patted the bed, encouraging the young mage to sit next to her. Eventually, she did.

"So let's get this over with," Cana said. "And we never have to talk about this again."

Wendy gulped, slightly afraid to hear what Cana was going to say.

"So, sex is something adults do for fun and occasionally to have kids. Though mostly for fun. In most cases, it's a guy and a girl. The guy's penis gets hard and then it goes-"

"I already know that," Wendy squeaked.

"Then what _do_ you want to know?"

"I want to understand what you were talking about," Wendy whispered with a blush.

"Well, aren't you turning into the little perv?" Cana said with smarmy glee. Wendy's face turned bright red. "No, I get it. You're curious. It makes sense since you're one of the youngest members, always having to listen to us talk about things kids your age shouldn't hear."

Wendy nodded. After collecting herself, she finally asked a question. "Does it feel good?"

"Yeah," Cana revealed with no shame. "Why else would people do it for fun? Though the first time can hurt a bit, or if you get into it too quickly. But the pain can add to the fun for some people."

"So it's complicated?" Wendy queried.

"Well, there's lots of ways you could do it, and lots of ways people enjoy doing it. Sometimes it's two guys, two girls, more than two people. Some people use toys or costumes," Cana continued.

"Toys?" Wendy was not acquainted with adult toys, and was thus very confused as to what Cana was talking about.

"Didn't you see Erza's vibrator?" Cana asked the girl.

"Did I?"

"The little purple bullet-shaped thing in her drawer," Cana described.

"Oh," Wendy blushed. "That's what that was."

"You've probably heard them talked about a lot," Cana said. "They save a lot of us trouble when the boys are out."

"How?"

"I'm sure you've heard of masturbation," Cana sighed, worried that Carla had truly sheltered the young dragon slayer too much.

Wendy blushed, not offering a response to Cana, but that didn't matter. Cana got that the young girl knew what it meant.

"It was in the book then?"

Wendy nodded.

"Either way you would've figured it out for yourself, so it doesn't matter much if I tell you about that," Cana informed Wendy. "Though if you need to sneak anything in for yourself past Carla, you can always hide it in my room."

"T- that won't be necessary!" Wendy insisted.

"Whatever you say, Wendy," Cana replied, half joking, even though she did feel bad that the young girl was so sheltered by her exceed partner. "Anything else?"

"About what I heard in the bath," Wendy said, breathing deeply to calm the blush on her cheeks. "Can you explain some of that stuff to me?"

"Like what?" Cana began to kick her legs up nervously, knowing this was the stuff she least wanted to explain to the young girl. Still, considering Carla's attitude towards Wendy growing up, Cana felt some responsibility to do so.

Wendy paused, and blushed once again. "We don't have to," the girl insisted.

"Well, if you don't ask me, you probably won't find out from anyone else," Cana reminded her.

They sat in silence while Wendy considered Cana's words before the younger mage opened her mouth. "What's… anal?"

Cana's jaw dropped. She'd anticipated such a question, but wasn't mentally ready to answer the question, it having been Wendy that asked it. Pretending not to be phased, she talked. "It's when the man's penis goes into the back door," Cana stated. Wendy still looked embarrassed or confused, forcing Cana to go on. "Your butt."

"B- but," Wendy protested. "Doesn't that hurt? Or injure you?"

"Not if you do it right, but even then," Cana paused. "It's not always great. Depends on the guy." She shrugged.

"I don't have to do that," Wendy hoped.

"No," Cana advised her, "but it can be more fun if you do. Though, most of the girls in the guild don't."

"Does spanking have to do with it?" Wendy asked Cana. Despite all her mental energy, Cana was not ready for that question. She didn't even recall it coming up in any conversation.

Cana stared at the young girl. "Why don't we talk about that another day? Or you could ask Mira, she likes it."

Cana hopped off the bed and moved for the door, hoping her movement would prevent any further or more awkward questions. She'd had enough and she knew she couldn't take any more for the day.

"Well, I need to go to the guild to, uh, look for a mission," Cana said before grabbing the handle. She looked back one more time to see something of a dejected look on Wendy's face. Despite her rough exterior, she hated to see the girl she regarded as something of a younger sister sad. She'd felt rejection too many times herself. Cana considered what she should do. "But, if you have any more questions, just come to my room when I'm here, Okay?"

"Okay," Wendy assured Cana. "I'll do that."

With that, Cana walked out of the room before practically sprinting to the guild for a drink.

* * *

Mira watched as Cana slumped down on the bar.

"Is something wrong?" The barmaid asked her friend.

"Just get me some beer," Cana groaned.

Mira poured a beer for Cana and waited. Throughout the day the barrels would add up and Cana would become as close to drunk as she ever would be. It was at that time Mira the gossip hound would come out to ask Cana about her morning. By then Erza had come to hang out in the guild hall and look for missions. Wendy hadn't shown up, although it wasn't unusual that she would spend the day learning more about healing from Porlyusica or studying with Carla.

"Do you know why Cana's down, Erza?" Mira asked.

Erza shook her head. "I saw her coming out of Wendy's room this morning, and then she ran to the guild." That gave Mira a spark of inspiration.

Mira moved gracefully over to Cana's table, bringing a new barrel with her. Cana acknowledged her presence, but was too focused on drinking to say anything.

"How was your morning, Cana?"

The drunken mage groaned and lay her torso down on the table, twisting her head to look in Mira's general direction. "Wendy…"

Mira raised one of her eyebrows to show she wanted to know more, even if Cana couldn't see her face.

"I made a mistake," Cana moaned out. She shielded her eyes.

"What happened?" Mira asked, sounding innocent and sympathetic. If less intoxicated, Cana would see right through her act.

"That night, in the hot spring, when we were talking about Erza," Cana continued. Mira waited as Cana tried to find a way to spit everything out. "When we were talking about sex."

Mira held back pointing out that Cana was the primary offender on that note.

"Wendy heard us. She was curious, so I had to explain things to her this morning," Cana finished.

Mira giggled. "Did she have any questions?"

"Lots," Cana spat out. She took several large gulps of beer.

"And did you answer them?"

"I had to! The girl got herself a useless book to try and figure it out and Carla wouldn't have told her anything anyways," Cana slurred.

"Well, I'll leave you to your beer," Mira practically sang out.

"God knows I need beer right now," Cana told the barmaid as she danced off to serve another customer.

When Mira saw Wendy finally enter the guild, she went up to the young girl. "Hello, Wendy! Have you learned anything interesting today?" Mira greeted her.

Wendy nodded quickly and walked past her without making eye contact. Apparently Cana wasn't the only one traumatized by that little talk. Little did she realize that she herself would have to face the same conversation with Wendy when the girl came up to Mira a few days after her talk with Cana.

"Mira?" Her big eyes avoided Mira's. "Cana said you might know something about why people like spanking? She said you like it."

"Oh, I don't know if I could tell you," the demon replied. Oh, yes. Now she knew what Cana was feeling that day, and she would avoid making that embarrassment worse at all costs. "Why don't you ask Erza? She knows." With a smile, Mira watched as Wendy walked out of the guild to go find the armored mage. Her only regret was that she couldn't see the conversation between the two happen.

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope you enjoyed! (I have a problem finding good ways to end things and I should fix that but it probably won't happen soon)


	5. Speculation - Weekly Sorcerer Edition

**Speculation**

 **A/N:** More Weekly Sorcerer magazine shenanigans. This takes place after Mira gets pregnant but before Erza is, so during the timeline of In Which Everyone is a Perv chapter 8.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Speculation Part V**

Meredy and Sorano had met up at a café while both were taking breaks from another one of their occasional Crime Sorciere special missions. Now requiring supervision when on missions as a term of their release, the guild members were staying at a small local guild who was thoroughly intimidated by them. Erik, Richard, and Midnight were all back at the guildhall, while Jellal was still gathering information for their mission from locals. The girls decided to go to a café away from their male counterparts and chatted, sharing news about their lives and the latest gossip from their new guilds.

"Mira's pregnant?" Sorano asked.

"Yeah! She's really excited about it," Meredy chirped. "Although everyone's scared about what her mood swings will be like."

"Who's the father?"

"Laxus," Meredy replied.

"That's surprising. Yukino had no idea they talked at all," Sorano said.

"Honestly, neither did most of Fairy Tail," Meredy informed her. "Some of us suspect she did it for the sole reason of having a baby to rival Erza and Jellal's."

"Erza's pregnant too?" Sorano asked, horrified with the possibility of a hormonal Erza.

"No," Meredy replied. "But she will be soon if she has anything to say about it. And you know she will."

Sorano stared, begging the question of how Meredy knew this.

"They accidentally got engaged, and Wendy's seen a certain Heavenly Body mage sneaking into Erza's room at night," Meredy explained.

Sorano raised her eyebrows. "Accidentally?"

"Yeah – he still felt too guilty to propose, so he got her a promise ring instead. She misinterpreted the meaning of it and he had to go along with it. It is Erza, after all," Meredy giggled.

"So that article wasn't just another one of The Weekly Sorcerer's gossipy bullshit," Sorano pondered.

"What article?" Meredy asked her. The pink haired mage didn't have time to pick up the magazine that week due to her late arrival at their base of operations for the mission.

Sorano pulled the aforementioned magazine out of her purse, slapping it on the table between them. On the cover was a picture of Sting, Rouge, and their exceeds. The cover story discussed the relationship between dragon slayers and exceeds. One of the smaller headlines on the cover read: "Has Titania Found her Oberon?"

Meredy's eyes widened. She flipped through the magazine, looking for the article. The text was sparse, but there were several pictures printed.

 _"_ _Last week, Erza Scarlet of Fairy Tail – known by her nickname "Titania" – was spotted wearing a gorgeous ring on her ring finger. This follows a string of reports that a mysterious man has been buying her favorite cakes for her and even an expensive armor. She's also been caught having a picnic with this man outside of Magnolia._

 _Shortly after defeating the 100 demons of Pandemonium at the Grand Magic Games three years ago, she was seen at Ryuuzetsu land in Crocus with the same man. Based on this, it is believed her mystery man may be Mystogan. Others have suggested it is Jellal Fernandez, a childhood friend of hers._

 _Fernandez was a former wizard saint and council member before being implicated in serious crimes involving the Tower of Heaven. He was broken out of prison and later became a member of Crime Sorciere, a guild that became famous for defeating many dark guilds, fighting Tartarus, and assisting in the war against the Alvarez Empire. Due to their heroics they have been all but formally pardoned and are now living with official guilds. Fernandez has reportedly been working with Fairy Tail, the guild Scarlet belongs to. Members of their guild report the two are very close._

 _Even though Gray Fullbuster of Fairy Tail is dating Juvia, it has also been suggested that he is Erza's mysterious lover, hiding his identity in an attempt to hide his infidelity._

 _We guess we'll just have to wait for the wedding to find out!_

The first picture was an undated paparazzi photo of Erza staring at a wedding dress in a shop window dreamily. She knew from her fellow guild members that Erza had been marriage crazy long before Jellal had re-entered her life, so Meredy suspected that was an editorialized photo. A second, smaller photo showed a close-up of the ring in question. A large ruby was set in the center framed by two sapphire stones. The last photo showed a cloaked figure leaned over the counter at a pastry shop.

"Why would he be hiding his identity though?" Meredy asked, although she knew the answer: he didn't want to tarnish Erza's reputation by being seen with her.

"He should stop feeling so guilty," Sorano sighed. "Even Kagura's forgiven him."

"At least he knows how to treat a girl, getting her such a nice ring and meaning to get her another," Meredy sighed. "It's too bad he won't let me have that."

"Because he's still an idiot," Sorano observed. She put the magazine back into her bag, and the duo packed up to leave.

* * *

Jellal sat sipping a beer and reading in the small guildhall. He supposed he shouldn't have been complaining about any conditions of his release, but it was certainly harder to carry out a covert strike on a dark guild when you were expected to stay with legal guilds who were so terrified of you that your presence in a given town was immediately noticeable.

This guild was no different. It was a small guild, far too small and powerless to defeat Crime Sorciere in the extremely unlikely event that they went rogue again. He almost missed the days that they had a chaperone from the council. That at least drew less attention to them.

It didn't make the missions any harder for their guild, but it made them much longer as the dark guilds tried to outrun their pursuers. That wouldn't have been an issue a year before, but now that he and Erza had finally entered a relationship he valued being able to return to her quickly. Any delays were annoying, but his guilt made him think he deserved it.

One thing that was different about the guild they were staying with on that day were the looks they were giving him. The looks were one of wary reverence and awe. When he caught the men in the guild stealing glances at him, he was slightly suspicious. As the day went on, more heads turned to look at him, if only for a second. They weren't looking at the other men of his guild, causing him to wonder what was prompting this.

Despite his guilt, he wasn't above using his well-earned fearsome reputation to get the information he wanted. Half the time he didn't even need to do anything other than show up to get what he wanted. So after a long day of curiosity, Jellal decided to go up to the guild hall's bar and ask them directly.

"Does your guild need anything from me?" He asked in a chillingly smooth tone.

"N- no! Certainly not," the bartender replied.

"Then do you have something to tell me?" Again, he played up the lingering villainous qualities of his voice.

"W- well," she stammered. "S- something came out… In the Weekly Sorcerer."

Jellal wondered what that could do with him. He hadn't been featured in any of their trashy gossip since he was on the council as Siegrain, and even then he paid no attention to it. "And what would that be?"

Suddenly an arm slapped him over the back. "Well, the magazine finally found out that you're fucking Erza," Erik's voice hit him.

"What?" Jellal yelped, suddenly flustered.

"Well, they wrote a whole piece on it," Erik said, "Or that's what everyone's been talking about. They're trying to nickname you 'Oberon' to go with Erza's nickname. I suppose if fits 'cause just like Titania, we all know Erza wears the pants in that relationship."

Jellal turned to Erik and attempted to compose himself, but couldn't come up with anything to say to that.

The guild members had been listening in, prompting Erik to run his mouth more. "They had so much unresolved sexual tension for so long I swear even Angel and Meredy were getting second-hand blue balls from him."

One meek mage tried but failed to stifle a laugh, releasing the tension in his guild. Soon, Erik's dramatic description of the relationship of Erza and Jellal was leaving the guild in tears laughing. While they were distracted, Jellal tried to sneak out, only to run into Meredy shoving a copy of Weekly Sorcerer towards him.

It was at that moment that, for the first time in years, he wondered why he had invited Oracion Seis into his guild in the first place. The sooner he could go onto his honeymoon with Erza in whatever remote location they would choose, the better.

* * *

At Fairy Tail's gift shop, the Weekly Sorcerer was a hot seller. It was one of the new products they'd brought into the store after the war with the Alvarez Empire due to the magazine's increased focus on the guild's members. Erza usually couldn't bother to read what she maintained was a trashy tabloid (unless she was featured in it), but other members were more inclined to read the magazine.

"Say, Erza," Mira said to her friend as the two sat at the bar that day, "have you seen the Weekly Sorcerer this week?"

"No, I don't read that trash," The girl in question replied.

"Not even now?" Mira questioned, sliding the article about Erza over the counter.

As soon as she saw it, Erza began to blush profusely. She took the magazine off the counter and threw it in the trash.

"W- where'd you get that?!" Erza asked.

"They sell them at the gift shop now," Mira explained with a smile on her face. On-looking members of the guild wondered if it was because she was happy to see her rival flustered, because she wanted Erza to destroy all the magazines, or if her mood swings had forced her to abandon all logic.

Before they knew it, Erza was bursting out of the guild hall. The crowd from the guild followed to see her viciously hacking at the magazine rack standing in front of the gift shop. It became the first of a string of incidents that led the gift shop to finally stop selling the magazine.

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope you enjoyed! Please review. : )


	6. Speculation - Zervis

**Speculation**

 **A/N:** I came to Fairy Tail for one specific ship and then realized I like a lot of ships. Sure, the plot can be weak/unimportant to me 99% of the time, but the strength of FT I the relationships between characters. Heck, I'm only keeping up with it to see what happens with Erza and Irene (what is their relationship anyways) and how Zervis ends up.

So, because I love happy endings in both the innocent and euphemistic way, here's the happy ending for Zervis. (With some mention of Erza and Irene's relationship of sorts, although I'm sure that will be incredibly OOC once we get actual interaction between them). Also, I love Cana/Mavis's weird bromance of sorts if you can call it that.

Also, is it bad that Irene/Acnologia is an appealing crackship to me right now? The answer should be yes, because it's cracktastic.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Mavis and Zeref**

Somehow, Fairy Tail had managed to smuggle Zeref into their guildhall after the chaos caused by his empire had blown over. With the help of the magic council and extensive research on Levy's part, they had managed to break the curse afflicting both Zeref and Mavis, allowing the two of them to live with little realistic fear of leading their loved ones to their deaths. Zeref, deciding to stay near Mavis and his little brother, had moved into the room Jellal had once occupied at the guild. Mavis herself was given a beautifully renovated suite of rooms of her own on the guild's second floor.

Due to the atrocities he'd committed, Zeref was hiding. When awake, he'd spend most of his time in the basement in case someone would show up and notice him. The magic council had, after all, thought the spell they devised was only meant to help Mavis. Members of Fairy Tail were the only people to know he was still alive and kicking. Eventually, the couple planned to move back to Tenroujima and re-establish the massive magic archive it had once held. It would provide them with good privacy and protect Zeref from the council and mages who still hated him.

For now, Mavis and Zeref had to stay at Fairy Tail. They would return to Tenroujima at the time of the S-class trials, when a homestead could be established for them and books brought to the archive. That meant they were stuck in the guildhall for another three months. Although Mavis could leave, Zeref couldn't, so she tried to spend time with him in the recesses of the guildhall. That had allowed their relationship to grow, although he was still scared to kiss her for fear of his curse returning and killing her once more. Recently, she had forced a couple kisses on him, making him more comfortable enough to give her a kiss here and there. Still, they hid it from the prying eyes of Mavis's guild, afraid that their relationship wouldn't be welcome.

Then, one night, as they were having tea in Mavis's room, they heard some of the girls talking below. Neither had any inclination to listen until they heard themselves mentioned.

"So, what do you think about Mavis and Zeref?" a voice Mavis identified as Lucy asked.

"They seem like a good couple. A bit similar to Jellal and Erza's relationship, with Zeref's past holding them back, but I think Zeref's less overly guilty about everything and Mavis is less embarrassed to make a move," Levy's thoughtful voice postulated. "So I bet if they're not back kissing already, they will be soon."

"God, I hope they aren't banging already," a slurring Cana groaned. The girls sounded surprised to hear her declaration, chattering amongst themselves about how Cana always wanted them to be having sex.

"Why not?" Lucy's voice questioned her.

"Well, it's like," Cana said, pausing to think of a way to phrase her feelings. "Mavis still looks like fourteen while Zeref could _maybe_ pass as an adult, so the ages are a bit creepy in that relationship. I don't want to think about how that must look!"

"You think about us having sex?!" Lucy shrieked in shock.

"How can I not? Seriously, Erza and Jellal having sex is really hot at least in theory," Cana attempted to explain. Mavis wondered what she meant by the 'in theory' remark. "Then again, Levy kinda looks fourteen, so maybe Mavis and Zeref would be more like Levy and Gajeel."

Mavis wished she could've seen the shade of red on Levy's face at that comment.

"But Cana, they're older than all of us combined! I mean, surely it's okay if they're doing anything together," Lucy tried to retort. Mavis blushed in response. She wondered what sex with Zeref would be like, but had to admit Cana was right. He wouldn't want her not-quite-adult body no matter how old she actually was. Now that the curse had been removed, she could hope she'd become more adult-looking in a few years, not that she wanted to wait that long.

"I 'suppose so," Cana replied. "I just don't wanna think about it."

"Not like you should be," Mavis swore she heard Levy reply.

Mavis tried to pick up the conversation she was having with Zeref. While her face had a light blush from what she'd heard, his remained stoic. The voices from the guild stopped her again.

"Though you have to wonder who'd be on top," Cana pondered. "Mavis is a master strategist and Zeref's kinda a pussy for being so feared, so I'd want to know."

Mavis thought that she in no way wanted Cana to know, no matter that Cana was the guild member she trusted most for some odd reason.

"That is a good question," Lucy's voice said, considering the question, but did not say anything more.

"I don't think either of us are drunk enough to think about that," Levy said. "But you might get us at a girl's night."

Mavis heard a mug of beer plop down at the table and heard a new, masculine voice. "Mavis, definitely Mavis." It was Gray.

"How do you know that?" Lucy asked.

"Well, he's so obsessed with his magic that he probably doesn't know about sex. Hell, I'd bet flame-breath knew more as a virgin," Gray explained.

"Fair enough," Levy agreed. In the back of her mind, Mavis wondered if Gray was right.

Then, Natsu's booming voice came across the guild yelling some insult at Gray and Mavis heard the brawl of the day beginning.

Mavis dared to look up at Zeref, hoping he hadn't heard the conversation. When she saw the very rare blush on his face, she knew he had heard it.

"I believe I need some time to myself, Zeref," Mavis asserted. The man, wanting some time to process what he had heard for himself, nodded and left the room.

The truth of the matter was that Mavis had tried to seduce Zeref a few times with various methods: wearing slightly more daring dresses than normal, showing up to his room late at night in her pajamas, inviting him to bathe with her, and offering to share a room on trips, but nothing worked. He bit on the initial suggestion, but would never be willing to follow through.

An hour later, as Mavis lay in bed wearing one of her light nightgowns, a knock at her door made her sit up. She wondered if it would be okay to do, but she called out to tell the person to come inside. Perhaps tonight he would fall to a more physical approach. A dressed-down Zeref stood in the open door.

Mavis stood up and closed the door behind Zeref. She caught him by surprise so she could reach her arms up around his neck. He stood still as she reached up to kiss him. She didn't know if the earlier conversation she overheard had sparked her bold behavior, but she wasn't about to stop. Her efforts paid off and he began to melt into her and wrap his arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground. Together, they stumbled over to Mavis's waiting bed and toppled onto it.

Zeref suddenly pulled away.

"Not tonight," he said breathily, a blush coloring his face. Mavis tried to protest or pull him back down, but he left the room with no further words.

Mavis watched as the door shut behind Zeref, wondering what had happened. As much as her brain worked with strategy, it couldn't come up with a strategy for this situation. She hated to admit it, but Cana would be her best resource now.

* * *

That was how this ended up happening. Mavis was sitting on the floor of Cana's room in Fairy Hills nervously sipping sake as she waited for the drunken mage to return. She didn't feel like this would end well, but in the end Cana was the only one she thought would talk to her about this. Erza was too frank about sex to be of any help in a practical situation. Lucy was having sex with her (potential) lover's younger brother, so Mavis didn't feel comfortable asking her. Levy, despite being one of the more reasonable and knowledgeable guild members, was too much a stranger to approach. Wendy was too young to think about sex. If she did, Carla would stop her. So here she was, asking Cana for advice.

Cana entered the room with a shopping bag and sat down across from Mavis, facing her.

"So, what's the problem?" A surprisingly sober Cana asked before taking a sip of her beer.

"I'd like to have sex with Zeref," Mavis stated bluntly, with the determination on her face that was usually reserved for battle.

"Yeah, so?" Cana asked, clearly confused as to what the problem was. Considering what Mavis had heard, Cana probably didn't realize Zeref was being as stubborn as Jellal had been for Erza. None of her advances or kisses had worked.

"I've managed to kiss him several times, and I've tried to escalate it, but he won't bite," Mavis explained.

"Why not?" Cana asked, going through her list of solutions in her head.

"He's holding himself back for some reason," Mavis sighed. "I'm worried I look too young for him."

"So give him no reason to hold back," Cana said.

"How so?"

"Wear something sexy, something he can't resist," Cana suggested.

"But he's rejected me when I'm in my nightgown," Mavis moped. Cana was tempted to hug her, thinking the much older guildmaster was adorable in that moment.

"Well, I got you some _actually_ sexy stuff," Cana said, indicating the bag sitting next to her. "But if you don't think that's enough…"

"If I don't think that's enough?" Mavis asked, leaning towards Cana in curiosity.

"I can arrange a romantic setting for you," Cana told her.

Mavis perked up. "But you won't tell anyone?" She didn't want to overhear any more discussion about her love life.

Cana shook her head.

"Good, show me what you got," Mavis demanded, determined once again.

* * *

A week later, after everyone had left the guildhall, Mavis found herself sitting on her bed. Cana had just left after arranging the room and helping Mavis get dressed. She left with a wink, which only made Mavis more nervous. In only a couple of minutes, Zeref would come over to check on her as part of his nightly routine. He would find her freshly bathed and lying on a bed covered in rose petals. Cana had given her natural make-up to make her face look more mature and gave her heavily padded lingerie to emphasize her breasts. The tight lace nightie had ruffles attached to the hem and just under her butt. The bra and panties underneath hardly provided any more modesty. Her long blond locks had been styled in an up-do that would easily come undone when Zeref would hopefully started latching onto her hair. She made sure she even laid down with a book in a sexy yet vulnerable pose Cana had suggested.

Zeref's knock almost made her get up, but she knew she had to hold her pose. "Come in," she said in her best sexy voice. She felt so silly saying it like that. None of this sexiness was her, but if it was what it took she would do it. She saw his jaw drop as he opened the door into her bedroom. He turned around and put a hand over his face.

"Zeref," She said, sitting up to watch him. She worried that she offended him. As she would later find out, his hand placement was to hide his nose in the case that it began to bleed.

After a minute of worry, he turned around and walked towards her. He used one hand to tilt her chin up and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. Once again, he pulled back, blushed, and wiped his hand on his mouth before turning his head away.

"You didn't need to do this," Zeref calmly said before turning around towards the door again.

Mavis stared at him, face filled with worry.

Almost as if sensing her worry, Zeref turned back to Mavis and sat next to her on her bed. He grabbed her hand. "It's okay, you don't need to do this," Zeref said. "It's me."

Mavis turned her head to face him, a questioning look on her face.

"Even though the curse has been removed, or we assume it has since it's not killing anyone or anything around us," he explained. "It's impossible to forget the first time I kissed you. I don't want that to happen again."

"We've kissed many times, and expressed our love in other ways," Mavis said. "It hasn't killed either of us yet, because as you've confirmed, the curse is lifted. Can't we just try this?"

Zeref sighed, clearly conflicted. "In small increments or small experiments. Perhaps we could see how sharing a bed goes tonight?"

Mavis nodded, disappointed her victory wasn't greater, but understanding why it was only a small one. Certainly Zeref had faced more time with the curse, and it had done much to ruin his life, so she felt she should give him that respect.

"Perhaps our first time should be on Tenroujima as well," Zeref added quietly.

"Why?" Mavis questioned, almost afraid to ask.

He blushed, afraid to say something so corny after so many years of needing to have a cold lack of emotion. "Our curse kills those we love. You love your guild, and I have come to appreciate it. If we experience the happiest moment of our lives – our joining – with the guild in reach, and the curse is indeed not wrong, all of your friends would die."

Once again, Mavis admired his cautiousness even if she was sure the curse was gone from their lives. Still, to make him comfortable, she replied, "I agree. That may be the best solution."

"Thank you for understanding," Zeref said, giving her another kiss on the lips. He laid down on the opposite side of Mavis's bed and fell asleep.

* * *

After a few nights, Zeref had gotten more used to sleeping in Mavis's bed. Now, instead of sleeping as far away as possible, he would sleep with one hand holding hers. One night, unconsciously in his sleep, he even wrapped an arm around her waist. When she woke up, he was spooning her.

Needless to say, despite the lack of sex, Mavis was happier than ever. This morning she had awoken before Zeref and laid in bed waiting for him to wake up. It was late enough in the morning that the guildhall was buzzing with activity. Once again, she could hear voices wafting up into her room. Surprisingly, Cana's wasn't among them.

"Say, hasn't Zeref been sleeping in Mavis's room lately?" Lucy asked seemingly no one.

"I have seen him coming out of her room the past couple of mornings," Mira said. "But I've never seen him going into it at night."

"Well, maybe he waits until we're all gone or asleep, like Jellal did," Levy commented.

"And, like Jellal, no one's fooled," Lucy said.

"What do you mean?" Wendy's voice questioned.

"Ah- W-Wendy!" Lucy exclaimed. "It's nothing."

"Wendy," Carla's voice came from across the hall. "We need you over here!"

"Thank god for Carla," Levy sighed.

"There was no way I was explaining that to Wendy today," Lucy grumbled.

"I do wonder if they're actually having sex," Mira said. "I would assume so if they're sharing a room at night, but Mavis just looks so young!"

"Well, she's not young," Lucy justified. "I think she said she was twenty-six when she 'died,' so she's older than us even if you don't count the time she was frozen!"

"Maybe it's just that Mira and Cana are starting to feel old themselves," Levy joked.

Mavis swore she heard Levy shutter, and soon she heard two sets of footsteps leaving the bar. Still, their voices reached her ears.

"You've got to wonder though," Levy said.

"I'd bet Cana knows," Lucy said. "I saw her shopping at my favorite lingerie boutique last week, and she wasn't shopping for her size."

"Well, she does get along with Mavis very well," Levy said. "But she does provide clothes to the orphans where she was raised, so maybe she was getting some normal underwear for someone there and decided to peruse all the styles?"

"Wendy said she tried to get her to wear some racy stuff, so maybe she thinks that stuff is normal for girls that age to wear," Lucy suggested.

"You never know with her," Levy replied. "But I'd bet it was for Mavis, considering the recent development with Zeref."

Their voices finally faded away, and Mavis couldn't hear them anymore. She looked over to see Zeref had awoken. He had a horrified expression on his face, though he quickly hid it.

"Is this what this is about?" Zeref asked.

"What?" Mavis questioned.

"That you're embarrassed about what the other girls are saying about us?"

"Why would you think that?" Mavis asked, a stern look on her face.

"Because you're blushing," he explained. "And you look sad."

"It's not that," said Mavis dejectedly. "If anything, it embarrasses me. I just…" She paused, the first time Zeref had seen her do so in a long time. Mavis usually was one to say exactly what she thought.

Zeref waited, seeing if she would finish.

"Everyone thinks of me as a little kid because of my body. Despite your explanation, I can't help but wonder if you see me that way as well," Mavis disclosed.

Zeref remained calm and measured as usual, but it took effort to hide his shock. He composed himself before he spoke. "I know you're not young, and your body will do nothing to convince me otherwise."

"Then show me," Mavis boldly demanded.

"I will," Zeref promised before giving her a passionate, desperate, and exceptionally needy kiss on the lips. Still, he broke it off. "As soon as we're on Tenroujima."

Mavis kissed him back, before standing up to get dressed. She couldn't wait to find out if he was telling the truth or not, but she had to. It would only be a short while until she could test him.

* * *

The S-class trials had commenced on Tenroujima a few days prior. This year Jellal was the leading candidate, having just joined the guild and thus not being eligible in past years despite his strength. Gajeel had achieved the rank the year prior, but Natsu, Wendy, Lucy, and Gray had all been invited to participate alongside Jellal. Levy had declined the offer to participate due to a pregnancy scare, and Cana had stopped caring about achieving her S-rank. She claimed she would try again one day, but she wanted to improve her magic further first. Erza, Laxus, Gajeel, and Gildarts served as the proctors while Mira stayed at the guild due to her pregnancy.

Through all the hard work and battling it took to get through the trials, the Fairy Tail mages were too busy to find Zeref and Mavis's house. Levy had been nearby, but stuck to her job filing the new copies of books in the library. She even slept in the library most nights of the trip to save herself the trek to camp. The ancient couple enjoyed their blessed silence, but had not touched each other yet.

On the last day of the trials, when the guild held a final party on the island to celebrate Jellal's new S-class rank, Mavis finally had her opportunity. Levy stayed at camp to party with her guild, having completed her filing, leaving the cabin Mavis and Zeref shared isolated on a far coast of the island from their friends.

Zeref hadn't attended the party, so Mavis wasn't surprised to find him at his desk reading a book on some theory of magic when she returned shortly before dark. Although this was where her night ended to the members of Fairy Tail, she knew it was where her night would begin.

"Zeref?" She asked as she came into their cabin. Mavis wasn't sure if anything would really happen that night, but she was nervous all the same. She wanted Zeref to agree.

He turned around to see her standing in the doorway and stood up. "They're all at the party, correct?"

"Yes," Mavis responded.

"Then we should be okay," he told her. Before Mavis knew it, the door was closed and she was being carried to their bed.

* * *

Mavis awoke to a loud knocking on the door. Knowing the only person it could be was a mage of Fairy Tail, Mavis felt obligated to open it. Zeref remained soundly asleep beside her, and both of them were naked. She didn't want to get dressed or disturb her lover, so she created an illusion to send her guild off. She figured that with her skill they wouldn't notice the difference.

"Mavis?" Zeref's sleepy voice came. Somehow it made Mavis happy to know that only she would hear that voice.

She looked over at Zeref.

"You should really say goodbye to your guild in person," he directed her.

Mavis knew that Zeref was right (in his right mind he often was), so she threw on a simple dress and ran through the forest after whoever it had been at her door to say goodbye to Fairy Tail's best. As she hugged them one by one and watched her guild leave on their boat, she began to appreciate the peace and quiet that she now had to spend with Zeref. Still, she had an urge to know who her guild was gossiping about now. It wasn't her any more.

* * *

 **A/n:** I'm terrible at endings. I hope you enjoyed.


	7. Speculation - Mages

**A/N:** So this is an idea that popped into my head. I'm not sure why but it did.

This is _slightly_ AU. Everything is essentially the same with the exception that Lucy's father stays alive and continues to run his business and continues to live in that giant mansion and continues to generally be part of the upper crust. I hope you enjoy.

This will also be a bit different in that it's not about a specific relationship, but more about mages in general.

Chronologically, this would logically take place after the Grand Magic Games, considering Fairy Tail was popular at that time, but I suppose it doesn't really matter. Although I support NaLu, this timing makes the pairing hard to put into the story, so it won't really appear.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Speculation About Mages**

Lucy's heart sank as she read the letter again. Somehow, she couldn't believe it. Although she had somewhat made up with her father, she didn't think he'd do this.

Mages were generally viewed as a reality show or another paid service to Fiore's Upper Crust, and now she was one of them. They were thought of as uneducated at best. The many magazines featuring cheesecake spreads and scandalous gossip about mages served as proof of this, even if those magazines were readily consumed for entertainment by the wealthy of Fiore. Teens like Lucy had once been dreamed of a relationship with one of the hot male mages or of fighting against dark guilds alongside Crime Sorciere. (The independent guild was surprisingly popular among the upper crust, probably because they took care of many of the dark guilds who hurt their profits. Jellal and Meredy's good looks didn't hurt.).

So now that Lucy was one of these "uncouth drunkards" to her father's friends, she was surprised to hear that he had planned a party for her social debut. He was risking his reputation. Then again, she had become popular because of the Grand Magic Games win, so perhaps he was using that as an excuse to hold the long-delayed party.

Perhaps the most troubling part of the invitation was that her father expected her to bring a few friends to accompany her. He had made the guest list already, but thought it necessary to say he hadn't invited any mages so she was free to do so. If she was alone, this would be easier. She couldn't possibly bring her guild as a whole. They were every bad stereotype her father's friends had of mages: loud, heavy drinking, violent, and with few manners to show. She had made a very short list of who she could bring.

Traditionally, she would also be expected to choose a male date. She wished she could bring Natsu to fill that role, but knew it could only end in disaster. Not even Gray could carry that role out well: stripping in the middle of a ball would just be embarrassing. And what would Juvia say when (not if) she found out. Secretly she wished she could have Jellal escort her. She didn't want to steal him from Erza, but he was the only mage she knew that could go through the ceremony without ruining anything. Unfortunately, he was a wanted criminal, which automatically disqualified him. She decided to go non-traditional and skip the date aspect. Thankfully, she'd heard that route was gaining popularity as arranged marriages became a thing of the past.

Now it was time to invite the few mages in Fairy Tail she thought were closest to ready for society.

* * *

"Erza?" Lucy asked the next day at the baths. She had barely survived a morning run with Erza for a chance at having the baths to just the two of them.

"What is it Lucy?" The scarlet-haired mage asked her teammate.

"My father is arranging a party for me. I was wondering if you'd come," Lucy asked shyly.

"Of course," Erza said. "I wouldn't let my friend down. Is the rest of the team going?"

Lucy blushed and shook her head. "I don't want them to destroy my father's house in front of his business partners."

"That's logical," Erza deduced. "Tell me the time we're leaving and I'll be ready."

Being raised as a slave, Erza probably had no idea how far ahead these things were planned, so she probably had no idea that the event wasn't for another month. Lucy would have to remind her.

* * *

Lucy tracked down Levy in the library reading some text on powerful magic weapons at the disposal of the magic council and their uses.

"Lucy!" Levy greeted. "Is something up? I rarely see you here."

"Since you're my best friend in the guild," Lucy paused. "Would you mind coming to my social debut?"

"I wouldn't miss it," Levy smiled, hugging her friend from the chair she sat on. Lucy assumed that Levy had never been to such an event, but that the girl had extensive knowledge of what would happen. Levy probably knew more than Lucy did.

Two down, one last acceptable guild member to go.

* * *

Lucy knocked on the wooden door. It opened, but she couldn't see anyone behind the door. When she looked down she saw Carla holding the door.

"It's Lucy," Carla announced to Wendy, who Lucy could hear bounding to her door.

"Hello Lucy," Wendy greeted.

"One month from today my father's having a party for me," Lucy explained. "Would you like to come?"

Wendy looked to Carla for guidance. Carla nodded to tell Wendy it was okay.

"She can go as long as I come with," Carla said.

"That would be okay," Lucy smiled.

"Then we'll see you at the train station next month," Carla said, closing the door to Wendy's room.

* * *

One month later, Lucy was at the train station waiting for the arrival of Erza, Levy, and Wendy. For the occasion, her father had booked the girls a private cabin on a train car. Lucy wondered how she should broach the topic of what the culture she was raised into thought of mages. She still hadn't found a good way to explain it without potentially offending them. Surely Levy and Wendy would be reasonable (although Wendy didn't need to hear the more risqué beliefs), but Lucy doubted Erza would take it well. Erza would try to prove them wrong, but her attempts would only prove them right.

By the time they had sat down on the train, Lucy had given up. Carla was trying to get Wendy to sleep so she wouldn't feel her newly developed motion sickness on the ride and wouldn't use up her magic. Levy was nose-deep in a book she bothered to read at a normal pace. Erza was going through the index of her requip space, which Lucy observed was now filled with various dresses and ball gowns alongside a smaller than usual selection of armor and weapons. Apparently she still hadn't decided on the perfect gown to wear.

Lucy fell into a light sleep until she felt herself being violently awoken. She opened her eyes to see Erza's face.

"Oh, Lucy, you're awake," the scarlet-haired mage assessed. "I need your opinion on something."

Lucy rubbed her eyes and looked to see what Erza could possibly be waking her up about. Upon seeing Erza requipping through various combinations of earrings and necklaces, she determined Erza must be wondering about how to accessorize herself to fit the atmosphere. It shouldn't be weird to broach the subject of what she was wearing, then.

"So, what dress will you be wearing then?" Lucy asked her.

Erza requipped into a daring dress. It was slinky and navy blue with a deep v-neck, a slit showing quite a bit of leg, cut outs on the sides, and an open back. Lucy knew that was Erza's style, but knew it wouldn't be appropriate for her social debut. Social debuts were not sexy. If anything, they were conservative.

"Perhaps you should wear a ball gown? They're in style right now," Lucy commented, hoping it would sway Erza.

Erza put on the dress she had worn to the celebration at the palace after the Grand Magic Games. "I just wore this, though," Erza reminded Lucy.

"Do you have something else?" Lucy asked. "I thought you just went shopping."

Erza contemplated this, then requipped into a ball gown that matched her guild mark. Though strapless, it was floor length. The top was covered in tastefully patterned silver lace appliques. Gold threads were entwined in the lace, and when the light hit it just right the top appeared to glitter like the night sky. Lucy knew who Erza had bought it for, but couldn't think of a situation it would be appropriate for. It wasn't like Jellal was going to any balls any time soon.

"I didn't bring jewelry for this dress," Erza warned Lucy.

"I'm sure I have some gold and sapphire jewelry around at my father's home," Lucy offered. "You could borrow it."

Erza accepted her offer, but looked a bit ashamed to do so. Lucy wondered why, but she supposed she should ask. It probably was another one of the many quirks Erza had from her time as a slave in the Tower of Heaven. That meant that Lucy wouldn't ask about it.

* * *

Arriving at her father's mansion, Lucy was surprised how far from home she felt. She'd never entirely liked the suffocating lifestyle she had led inside its walls, but she never realized how little she would miss it once she had joined a guild.

Her guests, however, were firmly impressed.

"I knew you were rich, Lucy, but I didn't realize you were this rich," Erza said in barely contained awe. She looked around at the interior of the building and marveled at its rich interior. Lucy wondered if Erza knew people were watching – when she did, Erza would act much calmer.

"Lu-chan," Levy said excitably. "You have to let me check out all the libraries and studies! Maybe there will be some books I'll need to take back to the guild." Lucy wouldn't doubt that there were a few useful books about celestial spirit magic that she could use hiding in the building. Hopefully Levy would have time to help her look.

Wendy was overwhelmed, and even Carla didn't have an answer for her. Both remained polite as they watched the older girls take in their environment.

Servants had already taken the mages' bags up to their rooms, which Lucy was determined to show them to. It had been long enough, though, that she didn't remember where the guest rooms were. Even then, she had no idea who would be placed in each room. She let the family's new butler lead them up the staircase.

While Wendy and Levy were easily settled into their rooms, Lucy found that Erza was having slightly larger problems. The maids went through her luggage looking for clothes to put away or a dress to hang up. All they found in Erza's mountain of luggage was food.

"Mistress Lucy, Miss Erza?" one asked. "May I ask where your clothes are?"

Erza almost looked offended, though a sweet smile appeared on her face. She was about to explain what was going on when Lucy stepped in for her.

"Erza's magic allows her to change her clothes at will, so she doesn't need any clothes unpacked," Lucy explained. Erza nodded. The maids politely left the room, but Lucy could tell they were embarrassed by the whole situation. Before Erza went out to clear things up, Lucy stopped her from leaving the room. "Why don't you rest up and get a nice bath. I believe there's a private tub in the room?"

With that, Erza perked up, ran into the room, and left Lucy to greet her father. She walked to his office and waited to be called in. It took nearly fifteen minutes before her father asked her to come in. Despite their reconciliation (well, something of one), the atmosphere was still chilly. She hoped he would approve of her guest choices. He had invited far more of his own guests.

"So who did you invite? Some of the better-behaved guild members?" Lucy's father asked sternly.

Lucy gulped. "I only brought three guests as I said in my letter. They should be proper guests."

"I would assume so. I have not heard of this Levy, but I did see Wendy at the Grand Magic Games. She seems like a nice young woman," he praised her.

"Ah, yes. Wendy is wonderful," Lucy replied. "She also has her exceed, Carla, with her. Carla has taught her very good manners. As for Levy, she is a very skilled solid script mage. I'm sure she's read many texts on manners." Honestly, Lucy knew that Levy and Wendy's manners were probably better than her own. That had never been Lucy's forte.

"That is good then. Will Titania be well-behaved?"

"She has never attended an event like this before," Lucy admitted, "but from what I've seen she fits in naturally here."

"I've heard she has a tendency to be rather… destructive," he suggested. "Are there any merit to those rumors?"

Lucy didn't know what her father wanted to hear, so she had to come up with an answer that would be neutral on the issue. "I believe that is related to jobs she takes, which often require more force."

"I see," he nodded. "But it won't be an issue."

"No," Lucy replied, trying to show confidence. She could trust Erza not to destroy her father's house. Well, she could trust Erza not to destroy her father's house if nothing unexpected happened, like Natsu showing up. Luckily for her, Erza had made sure to send Natsu on a job that was to take place on the opposite side of Fiore. "Nothing will happen." Nothing _should_ happen would be more accurate.

* * *

The event was set to begin at 6pm with dinner. Once Erza had ensured that Lucy was being helped by Virgo to dress and picked up the borrowed jewelry, she went to fix herself up. Lucy was separated from her fellow mages due to the proceedings of the debut, so they walked down to the ballroom promptly at 6pm.

They were all shocked to see the tables filled. Even more oddly, nearly everyone in the room had hair that was a shade of brown or blonde. When you always stayed around mages, it was hard to remember that few without magic had abnormal hair colors. A butler led them to a table on the edge of the dance floor, already occupied by a pair of sneering girls who were Lucy's age, one teenage boy, and their parents.

"No one told you the time?" One girl asked. Her mother didn't seem to see anything wrong with her statement.

Erza didn't pick up on her attitude and simply sat down, as did Levy and Wendy. Carla sat on Wendy's lap. The family also seemed unhappy with that. Carla was holding back her desire to tell that that she was not, indeed, a cat.

"We were told the time was six," Erza declared. "So we are on time."

"No one told you that on time is late?" The younger of the two girls asked.

Erza ignored her and reached to pour herself a glass of wine. Levy had to whisper to inform her that the wine would be poured later by a waiter. Erza grumbled. "No."

Levy looked to the boy, hoping he was friendlier. Once she noticed him ogling Erza's breasts, she knew he wouldn't be open to conversation. The parents seemed to side with their daughters: curious, but wholly unimpressed with their manners.

She hoped Erza would be able to fake manners well enough. After all, being raised as a slave and going on missions almost constantly did not give her a good chance to learn manners. Suddenly, a communication lacrima began to glow. Erza took it out of her small handbag and checked who was trying to call – it was her team. Much to Levy's relief, she put the lacrima back in her bag and sighed.

"Natsu's calling," Erza told Wendy. "He's probably looking for Lucy."

"Well, we may want to find out where he is so that he won't show up," Carla replied. The family looked shocked to hear the voice coming out of the cat, and began to listen more closely. "Despite Happy insisting that Lucy has a crush on him, I was happy that she did not invite him. That would have ended badly." Erza and Levy nodded in agreement.

Suddenly, a horn sounded through the hall and everyone went quiet. The butler who had escorted them in earlier announced the arrival of Lucy as formally as possible. She was escorted to the dance floor where she demonstrated various dances and formal greetings to various family friends. Levy tried to explain what was going on to Erza and Wendy, but even books couldn't accurately describe the tedious ceremony to mark Lucy's social debut. Heck, Levy doubted Lucy even cared about or remembered half the things required of her.

Before the seemingly endless rituals associated with food, a waiter finally poured the wine and brought soups and salads to the table for consumption. Thankfully, all Lucy had to do was recite a short blessing and begin to eat before the guests could dig in. Once the meal was served, the mages began to eat and did not talk to one another. That was probably due to their lack of breakfast or lunch causing them to down their food quickly. Instead they were left to listen to those around them.

"I hear that she's dated a few guys now," one well-dressed man said.

"No way she's a virgin – no mages anywhere near adulthood are virgins," a younger man replied. "So she's even less eligible to be a bride. Then again, as a mage she was never that eligible."

"Well, she's developed well, and as a mage she's probably gotten good experience in the bedroom," another young man suggested. "I think I'll make a move on her."

"I suppose now that she's debuted, she's up for offers," the first man reminded them. "Although I don't think she'll be taking any. The life of a mage is too wild."

"I would assume that the only ones who want to marry her anyway are the ones who want the fortune," the second man who spoke said.

"I wouldn't engage you to her even for the money," the first man said. "As a mage, she's not an appropriate partner for you no matter how much money her family has."

Erza didn't flinch at their words – she was too focused on her food and the fine wine she would never buy on her own. Carla was trying to distract Wendy away from the lewd conversations. Levy, however, was listening. It was just another way to gather important information. She turned her attention to another table.

"That's Erza Scarlet, isn't it?" One teenage boy said to another boy Levy assumed was his friend. His friend turned to look at their table.

"Just as hot in person as she was on lacrima vision," the friend said. "Wanna see if we can score on her?"

"Not really," the boy replied to his friend. "She might be open to it, but who knows if she'd skewer us for asking or not? You saw how scary she was."

"But cool," the friend sighed.

"Just don't let your mom hear that," the boy scolded him. "You know how she feels about mages."

Levy gathered that this meant mages were generally looked down upon. It wasn't like she didn't have an idea – she did know that mages were never invited to the palace until recently. She assumed that they, like the Grand Magic Games, were some sort of reality show when they weren't doing jobs for non-mages. It was no wonder that that Lucy didn't invite more people from their guild.

The family they were sitting with caught Levy's attention suddenly.

"So, is it true that Fairy Tail's parties are as epic as they say?" One of the daughters asked. Levy noticed that both parents had gotten up between courses to go socialize with a couple at another table. The son was nowhere to be seen.

"They are too wild," Erza declared, suddenly paying attention. "Natsu and Gajeel always end up fighting."

"Natsu and Gajeel?" The other daughter, whom Levy knew as Ophelia from her name card, asked. Her sister whispered in her ear and she nodded. "They're very attractive, aren't they? Do they have girlfriends or are they open to relationships?"

Levy blushed.

"I thought your kind didn't like mages or premarital sex," Erza said as eloquently as possible. Unfortunately her bluntness and lack of practice in using delicate language betrayed any attempts at sounding polite.

Both girls looked shocked at her rough language, but Ophelia quickly collected herself.

"We- Well," Ophelia's sister said.

"Although the adults dislike mages, those in my generation are more willing to… _socialize_ with them," Ophelia suggested. "And as long as no one outside your family finds out, relationships are fine."

"Well, Natsu and Gajeel aren't the most eligible," Erza stated. "They're not very refined." Or else they'd be here, Levy thought.

"Who would you suggest then?" Ophelia asked.

"Literally anyone from Blue Pegasus," Erza informed them. "But I would assume they have STDs."

"Who would you suggest? They're all attractive," Ophelia asked. Levy felt gross about this whole conversation, and was grateful that Carla had begun to bring Wendy away to 'see Lucy' when the girls started asking questions.

"None of them," Erza said.

"So you haven't had sex with them?" Ophelia's sister, who Levy had identified by her place card as Phoebe, asked.

Erza almost spat out her wine, but swallowed it back into her throat. "No. It's not like that," she calmly stated, hiding any embarrassment she felt (if any).

"Really?" Ophelia asked. "But we were always told that sex made mages stronger, so we assumed…" Levy wondered if she'd ever get to try out that theory with Gajeel. No one had written about it, so the effect couldn't have been big enough for mages to try, but she could wonder.

"Well, what you've been told is wrong," Erza scolded them. The girls looked apologetic. "I don't think any of the girls in my guild that are younger than me have had sex. I certainly haven't."

The girls looked shocked. "But you're so sexy," Phoebe said.

Erza thanked them and blushed slightly, but maintained a cool face.

"What have you heard about mages?" Levy asked. Erza leaned in, curious to hear what they had to say.

"Well," Ophelia's sister said delicately. "Just that- are you sure you would be okay hearing this? You may be offended by it."

"Of course, I'm sure we've heard worse," Levy said in a joking tone.

Ophelia looked around, making sure her parents and brother hadn't returned. "Well, what we were mistaken on earlier. But also that you all drink a lot."

Levy laughed. "That's not wrong."

"So you get drunk a lot? Even when you're young?" Phoebe questioned.

"And you don't?" Erza asked, swirling her wine in her glass as she went.

"Well, if our parents are away and no one is there to see," Phoebe admitted. "Which isn't often."

"That's too bad. Honestly, even outside of parties most of the guild members drink beer like it's water," Levy told her.

"Really?" Ophelia asked.

"Yeah," Levy replied. "It's what we serve at the guild. Even Wendy gets to drink sometimes, although it's probably not a good thing."

Ophelia and Phoebe looked at them with wide eyes, wondering if she wasn't too young to be drinking.

"Is that why your parties are so… wild?" Phoebe questioned.

"No," Erza replied. "They're just not like this. This is a boring party with rules and traditions."

"Would we ever be able to see a party with mages?" Ophelia requested.

"Probably not," Erza said. "With the parties Fairy Tail holds, it would be dangerous for someone without magic to be present, so we don't allow any non-mages into the guildhall for them."

"Dangerous? How?"

"Well, when you have dangerous magic, getting drunk can lead you to use that magic in interesting ways," Levy tried to explain.

"Or they always end up fighting like idiots," Erza said. Levy didn't point out that Erza could get equally as aggressive or intense when drunk.

"Is… Is it true that some parties… or that the alcohol… or something," Phoebe began, trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to ask. She looked at her sister for help.

Ophelia leaned forward, trying to be even quieter than before. "Is it true that some parties become like… you know… risqué?"

Levy tilted her head, trying to figure out what they were asking. Just as it clicked, Erza spoke up.

"No, we don't have orgies, if that's what you're asking," she said. "Guilds are like families, so everyone is like a brother or sister to me."

"Ah, I see then," Phoebe asked.

"Why do you sound so disappointed at that?" A voice asked her.

"Lucy!" Levy said as she turned around and saw her friend. She hugged Lucy to congratulate her on the ceremony, although she was entirely unsure what this meant.

"How have you two been enjoying this?" Lucy asked.

"We've been finding out about what your father's guests think of us," Erza told Lucy, sipping her wine as if the conversation hadn't become dirty and offensive to mages.

"I see," Lucy said, nervous about what they'd heard.

"One wonders why they even hire mages considering what they think," Levy said almost solemnly.

"Ah, uh," Lucy said, suddenly remembering her concern. "Wendy said that Natsu called and that he might be lost. Any chance he's nearby?"

"If he is, that would be a problem. His job is on the other side of Fiore," Erza explained. Lucy had no doubt that Erza would be furious.

"Would you call him and make sure?" Lucy asked.

"Of course," Levy replied, pulling out her communication lacrima. "And if he is, we'll take care of it. Why don't you greet the rest of the guests? They all seem rather anxious."

Erza nodded and Lucy began to talk to Ophelia and Phoebe. The girls had attended some sort of class with Lucy when she was younger, so they had something to go off of.

Natsu answered his lacrima. "LUCY?!"

"No, it's Levy," she replied in a neutral tone. "Where are you?"

"I'm on the way to that job you guys picked out for me," Natsu explained.

"Erza was wondering if you needed anything since she was unable to pick up earlier," Levy told Natsu.

"Ah, well, I ran into Jellal. He asked if he could tell her something via my lacrima since none of Crime Sorciere had one," Natsu (calm for once in his life) articulated.

"Do you want to talk to her then?" Levy asked.

"Nah, he said he'd be near Magnolia soon anyways, so he'd talk to her then."

"I'll tell her that," Levy assured him. "I have to go."

"Wait! Where are you anyways? It's really loud, like a party," Natsu asked. "I feel like Lucy's hiding something from me about this job she's on."

"Maybe Lucy will tell you when she gets back," Levy said.

"If it's a girls weekend of some kind, you can just tell me," Natsu pleaded.

"Sorry, but I promised. She's safe and Erza's here as well if she needs help. Bye, Natsu," Levy said before hanging up. Before she could tell Erza about Natsu's message, Erza had disappeared.

Levy looked around only to find Erza talking to the teenage boys that had seemed overly interested in her. While they were trying to flirt by asking about her weapons, they grew horrified looks as she actually began to summon weapons to talk show them off. Levy had long since concluded that Erza, despite her ability to shamelessly flirt and seduce with most men, was oblivious to the flirtations of others.

Figuring that Erza was content to chat and dance with the partygoers, and seeing that Wendy was caught up in a conversation with the younger attendees, Levy decided that it was time to sneak off and see what she could find in the Heartfilia's extensive library. They could survive the party without her.

* * *

The next morning, as the four mages prepared to leave the Heartfilia mansion, they found themselves watching various couples still dressed in their party attire leaving the house. Some looked mussed up and low on sleep, as if they had been having sex all night; others looked severely hungover. One or two were stealing swigs of wine bottles they had taken from the party. Levy even swore she saw Ophelia leaving out a back hallway with one of the teenaged boys who was flirting with Erza.

Somehow Levy wondered if the stereotypes the richer residents of Fiore had about mages actually applied more to them. Levy hoped she wouldn't have to attend another one of these parties and find out.

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope you enjoyed! Please R &R


	8. Speculation - Bachelor Party Edition

**Speculation**

 **A/N:** I'll do my best to do this not-OOC but it probably will have its moments (well a lot of OOC moments) in it since I'm not as familiar with Fairy Tail's male cast. This is Jellal's bachelor party aka Fairy Tail deciding he needed one and they needed a party and Jellal feeling generally overwhelmed and conflicted about everything. Also Jellal  & Laxus are my BrOTP. Also Jura & Jellal would be a BrOTP if they were on the council together, but Jura's not in this.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **The Bachelor Party**

Jellal frankly didn't know why he bothered to show up. Perhaps it was his near-constant guilt complex telling him it was unforgivable to let down the friends he had only recently made, or maybe it was the fact that he knew Erza would be disappointed if he didn't go.

Erza and the women of Fairy Tail (minus Wendy, who Carla ensured was locked safely away from both potentially rowdy parties) were at a luxury hotel for the night for her bachelorette party. The men had thus settled for the guild. Unfortunately, since none of the ladies would be at the guild that night, they had to serve their own beer and bus their own tables. There were also no strippers at the party because everyone knew Erza and Mira would find out somehow and end up giving all the men a tongue-lashing. Not that Jellal would've enjoyed strippers in the first place.

As a result, the party was just a bunch of increasingly inebriated male Fairy Tail members being loud together. None of Crime Sorciere came. Richard and Sawyer couldn't get to Fairy Tail on such short notice, and Sorano had turned down Erza's offer for the same reason. Midnight hadn't replied to the invitation, not that Jellal expected he would. Erik, while in town, had holed himself up in his apartment, insisting that Fairy Tail parties were too loud. Jellal knew he would show up in the end wanting free beer. Then again, Jellal suspected that Kinana, who had not gone with Erza, was probably keeping Erik occupied.

It was only an hour into the party and several small brawls had already threatened to erupt, distracting the guild members. That allowed Jellal to stay seated up on the second floor drinking a beer with little interruption. Laxus had just brought him a second mug of beer and sat across the small table from him.

"Having fun?" Laxus asked him.

Jellal looked up at Laxus to acknowledge his presence, but said nothing.

"I thought so," Laxus sighed. "This guild can be a pain in the ass."

"We love it though," Jellal replied dryly.

Laxus nodded. "So how's Erza? I haven't seen her since before she announced the wedding."

"Fine," Jellal informed him. "She's very excited for the wedding."

"And you aren't?" Laxus asked him.

"I am."

"I'd just expect you to be more excited. Mira did tell me that Erza hasn't slept with you since the announcement so she could focus all her attention on making it her dream wedding," Laxus said.

Jellal maintained a poker face, but inside he was frustrated. Sometimes he wondered how much Erza and Mira shared, but he didn't think he wanted to know.

"They can be a bit of a handful," Jellal admitted. "Is Mira better now that she's closer to her due date?"

"No," Laxus grunted out. "I swear I thought she was crazy when she was early on, but now that she's really pregnant she's only getting more hormonal. Hell, one night I came home and she decided to try and convince me that we should have a foursome with you two."

Jellal almost spit out his beer.

"Seriously, you've never heard Erza propose that? Erik told me that Erza and Mira had talked about it in the girls' bath one night."

"Well, Erik has complained that I need to get Erza to stop thinking about the possibility," Jellal replied.

"I swear, they act so different but they're both just as perverted as the other," Laxus said. "I was surprised when Mira told me that they'd never slept together before considering everything…"

"Considering what?" Jellal asked, a bit surprised that anything perverted had happened between Mira and Erza. After all, he was her first, and he never thought Erza and Mira had _that_ kind of friendship. He supposed he should have known something was up based on Erik's comments.

"Well, they were rivals for a long time, but after Lisanna died they became more like best friends," Laxus explained. "That didn't mean that the rivalry hasn't continued, as I'm sure you noticed. After the Grand Magic Games when we returned to Magnolia, the winning team chose a member of the losing team to boss around for the day. Mira chose Erza and proceeded to spend the day tying her up and spanking her in the street. Erza didn't seem to be too opposed. When midnight came around, she started spanking Mira back."

Jellal tried to hold in his nosebleed.

"I'm sure neither of us would be entirely opposed," Laxus paused to let out a deep, hearty laugh. "As long as they let us watch."

Jellal held his hand to his face, desperate to hide the perverted look on his face at Laxus's suggestion.

"They won't let that happen, though," Laxus lamented.

"Hey!" Natsu called up from the lower floor. "Isn't it time the bachelor joined his party?"

Laxus nodded, but didn't egg his friend on. He knew he wouldn't like to be in Jellal's place, and since Jellal was one of the few people Laxus saw as both a good friend and an equal, he had no desire to force Jellal into anything.

Jellal picked up his mug and slowly descended the stairs down to the crowd of his fiancé's good friends.

"So, as is Fairy Tail tradition," Macao announced, "We get to give you tips on a successful marriage." Jellal was tempted to walk away, but thought Erza wouldn't be happy if she'd heard he was rude. He sat down and prepared for the onslaught of unnecessary information.

"Since when has that been a thing?" Natsu asked.

"Since you were too young to come to these things," Wakaba reminded him.

"So we're talking about sex?" Natsu clarified. Wakaba clapped a hand over the dragon slayer's mouth, trying to get him to shut up.

"First thing's first: it's a waste of your talent if you don't double-team Erza using that thought projection magic of yours," Macao declared. A few of the other men nodded their heads. Jellal kept his face stone cold, trying to stave off a blush that threatened his cheeks.

"Yeah, you got to teach me that," Laxus joked, nudging him with an elbow. Jellal already had some ideas about what Laxus's lightning magic could do for a woman in very controlled doses. He didn't doubt Laxus could do that if he tried. Still, no matter what their partners shared, Jellal and Laxus weren't about to share anything with each other.

"But really, what do you even know about sex and making your wife happy, Macao? You couldn't even keep your wife," Natsu pointed out.

"More that you, firebreath," Gray said.

"At least I know what they're talking about," Natsu accused, bringing his forehead to Gray's.

"At least I've gotten laid," Gray growled.

"It's not like either of you have the biggest dick," someone in the crowd yelled out – Jellal assumed it was said to provoke the duo. That broke up their war of words, but the competitive nature remained.

"Who does, then?" Natsu asked. He doubted anyone really knew for sure.

Jellal looked desperately up at Laxus. "Are they about to have a literal dick measuring contest?" He whispered to the lightning dragon slayer in horror. With the way Jellal acted at times like this, Laxus wasn't shocked to hear his crimes were heavily influenced by brain washing.

"God, I hope not," Laxus groaned in Jellal's general direction. As a few of the men moved to drop their pants, Laxus knew he had to do something.

"That doesn't matter," Laxus said confidently. "What matters is how well your partner responds."

"Yeah, Cana said that Jellal and Erza suck in bed, but they seem pretty happy about it so their relationship is good," Natsu reminded everyone. Jellal groaned, once again annoyed at the reminder that Cana had told the story of her night in Erza's closet to every member of the guild.

"I was surprised to hear how vanilla she said you guys are," Gray said towards Jellal. "Maybe Erza only likes that kinky stuff when Mira's involved." Jellal also wondered if every member of the guild also knew about Erza and Mira's strange kinky obsession with each other. Laxus's story suggested the whole town knew.

"You know Cana's kinky, though," Jellal deflected. "So she may just have not been impressed."

"No, you guys are just lame," Laxus said as he slapped his friend on the back.

"You have to wonder who the kinkiest girl in Fairy Tail is, though," Natsu pondered. "I'd bet it's probably Mira." Jellal and Laxus both suspected he was on the right track.

"Nah, it can't be Mira, she's too innocent and beautiful," Macao said.

"Did you _see_ her at the Grand Magic Games? Or after?" Gray asked in disbelief of Macao's statement. "Or _any_ of her teenage years?"

Everyone knew they could ask Laxus for confirmation, but he was too intimidating for the non-S-class mages to ask. One knew that no one asked Laxus about his sex life. Jellal also couldn't be asked, but there was nothing _to_ ask after Cana's story. Their partners made any questions even more dangerous.

"Levy's probably kinky," Happy contributed. "It's always the bookworms."

Gajeel choked on the sip of beer he was drinking. Jet and Droy both tried to deny everything, including the fact that Levy was sexually active at all.

"I'd bet Juvia's interesting in bed," Loke said. "She can turn herself into water, which must be great in a hot tub."

Gray wouldn't confirm or deny this, but Gajeel felt he needed to give his two cents. "The guys in Phantom Lord would always wonder if she'd actually do that. Sometimes when she's really relaxed or drunk, she'd just start turning into a puddle on the floor."

"So it probably depends on how interesting Gray can keep it," Loke speculated.

"Sometimes it just happens," Gray admitted. "Usually not during sex though, just afterwards."

"Is that why you and her are always having sex at the spring? Like every day?" Loke asked. "So that she doesn't end up soaking into your bed?" The men laughed, much to Gray's chagrin.

"I'm just really good at finding things she likes," Gray defended himself. "She wouldn't get to that point if I wasn't good in bed."

"So you're saying you're man enough for her," Loke said. "Which is nice, but-"

Before Loke could finish, Elfman allowed his voice to be heard. "Pleasing your girlfriend is MANLY," he declared.

"How about pleasing several girlfriends? At once?" Loke smoothly replied, clearly understanding that it would provoke some of the men at the guild. He was lucky that when he caused trouble he could simply return to the celestial spirit realm.

"A man doesn't cheat on his girlfriend," Elfman roared. He looked ready to start the next fight of the evening. Sure enough, he attempted to take Loke down, but the spirit had already left the room.

"Anyways," Macao continued, trying to get the conversation back on track. "You should tap that ass, Jellal."

Jellal blushed, and Macao assumed that meant that Jellal was too naïve to know what he was getting at. For all the things he had done, Cana went a long way to convincing the guild that Jellal was the most innocent of them all.

"I mean you should go in the back-"

"I'd prefer not to," Jellal interrupted. "I'll try if Erza asks, but she hasn't seemed too keen on the idea." In fact, one night while lying in a slightly intoxicated Erza's bed cuddled up with her, Erza had told him every disgusting detail of what Cana had shared with her about anal earlier in the night. Erza had not seemed impressed. When Erza casually mentioned that Mira didn't like it either (and listed Mira's reasons), he felt grateful that it was a closed issue.

"Oh, come on," Wakaba said. "I can't believe she wouldn't try it."

"Well, Mira doesn't want to, and you know if Mira doesn't do something Erza sure as hell won't unless she already wants to do it of her own volition," Laxus said to back his friend up. In truth, he and Mira had tried it once. Neither of them had liked the sensation, so they'd decided not to try again. He knew Mira had tried it more than once in her teenage years, but grown-up Mira wasn't exactly wild. Well, she could be when she wanted to, but that didn't usually happen if nothing had annoyed her that day.

"How about tying her up? She seemed to enjoy it when Mira did it," Natsu grinned. Jellal wondered if Natsu knew exactly what he was suggesting, but wouldn't question it.

"She accidentally got tied up after requipping into a Heart Kreuz custom armor without trying it on first," Jellal recalled. "She was struggling to get out, so I untied her."

"Sure you did Jellal," Gray grinned.

"Oh you totally know he did that," Erik, who had popped in for free beer as Jellal had predicted, said. "He had dirty thoughts about what could've happened, but felt too guilty watching her try to untie herself to keep her tied up like that."

"I doubt you were close enough to hear his thoughts at that time," Natsu said suspiciously.

"I wasn't, but that didn't stop him from recalling the incident on our next job and I was unfortunate to have to share a tent with him," Erik whined before taking a healthy swig of his beer. "Man, with some of the things he thinks you'd think Cana was lying about them being vanilla – and he doesn't even get near Erza's level!" He conveniently left out the part about Jellal's resistance to a tied up Erza had to do with the guilt of seeing an unconscious Erza tied up in the Tower of Heaven.

Jellal finally groaned and lay his head on the table, not wanting the guild to know any details. Hopefully Erik wouldn't spill. Usually he kept information to himself, but he would say things as he saw fit.

"How is Kinana today, Erik?" Jellal asked, trying to distract Erik.

"Don't change the topic, Jellal," Gajeel grinned.

"Then shouldn't we find out if Levy likes it? If you're going to give advice, provide evidence it works," Jellal replied smoothly. It was at those moments that Laxus saw the master manipulator Jellal had once been. While the brainwashing must have removed all of the morals that would otherwise stop him, Jellal was certainly capable of whatever those brainwashing him wanted him to do. Even so, he now spent the vast majority of his time making this as unapparent as possible.

Gajeel grabbed his beer tighter, getting agitated, but didn't move. Jellal knew (or rather hoped) Gajeel was smart enough not to pick a fight over this.

"He won't say anything because he and Levy are more vanilla than you and Erza," Pantherlily commented. Many of the now heavily inebriated guild members started laughing.

"Well, if the type of music he makes are any indication, Lily's telling the truth," Erik confirmed with a wicked grin.

Gajeel looked down at the table and blushed. Jellal and Laxus were both surprised, but Erik was right that Gajeel's sense of music suggested he was less dangerous than he looked.

"What do you mean by that?" Natsu asked, clearly wanting to know how he could one-up the other dragon slayer.

"Well, for one, he's never had sex with Levy outside of a bed," Erik told Natsu. "And they're not exactly blushing virgins, either. They've had plenty of time to remedy that."

Oh how Jellal hated not only Erik's freakish hearing, but also his uncanny ability to lose all semblance of a brain-to-mouth filter when drinking. It made him wonder if Laxus was truly the only sane dragon slayer in the guild.

"Then what about you and Kinana?" Gajeel asked, edging his face closer to Erik's.

Natsu was obviously feeding off the animosity building between the two other dragon slayers. Elfman was beginning to stand up, ready for another fight. It was only a matter of time before someone threw the first punch.

Laxus tapped Jellal's shoulder and pointed back towards the front door. Jellal, once sure that all the men who had the power to stop him were thoroughly distracted, moved out the door.

"Bar?" Laxus asked him. Jellal nodded and followed his friend down the streets of Magnolia to a quiet bar the two frequented. This was a much more acceptable bachelor party.

* * *

The next day Jellal didn't bother to get out of bed until he heard a knock on his front door. He quickly threw on whatever clothes were nearest to the bed and went to check on who it was. Erza and Mira wouldn't be expected until around lunch, and he was sure it wasn't quite that late yet.

"We shouldn't have left last night," the lightning dragon slayer said as soon as the door was open.

Jellal groggily tilted his head, trying to understand what Laxus was getting at.

"Mira and Erza will be back in an hour," Laxus stated matter-of-factly.

Jellal still wasn't awake enough to understand, so he threw on some boots and a coat. He wasn't sure he wanted to see the guild, but he needed to know what he was in for when Erza got back.

One short walk to the hall later, he found himself greeted by the aftermath of his bachelor party. Most of the tables and benches were broken. At least one pool que from the basement was upstairs – and now stuck straight through a window. On the floor small puddles of spilled beer were still drying, and behind the bar liquor bottles were smashed. At least two guild members Jellal could see were passed out from the night before, and one more was dragging himself to the baths.

"Shit," Jellal said.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm going to leave it on that cliff hanger. I'm sure you can imagine how happy Mira and Erza will be to have the guild trashed. Again, sorry about any OOC-ness or oddness in the writing. I hope you enjoyed despite that.


End file.
